...sloth.
recently i've found myself annoyed by how busy my friends seem. putting aside the possibility that they are avoiding me, some are so on the go that they barely have time to tell me they do not have time to talk. every phone call, no matter how short, seems to be interrupted by several others. that is, of course, if i actually get them on the other end of the phone. i'm currently faced with 'cellular difficulties' that make me feel entitled to having someone answer my phone calls, when i actually have service. entitled, i am not.
i consider my life to be somewhat filled, but not very fulfilling as of late. i am almost embarrassed to admit this, i don't feel that i have time to read novels, catch a movie or play, or have the occasional long lunch with a friend.
in our busy, busy world, i sometimes feel as if i am the odd one out. although those who are overworked and overwhelmed complain ceaselessly, it is often with an undertone of boastfulness; the hidden message is that i’m so busy because i’m so important. i suppose i've been included in that group before, but despise it now that i'm on the other end.
now i realize that busyness is not an absolute: everyone has a different threshold. i have one friend for whom more than one social engagement a weekend is just too much; others love to party, party, party. and most people would trade in bored and stagnant for a little stress if they were engaged in doing something they loved.
i am also aware that there are many who have no options; who must work exhausting hours simply to survive. i was one of them once. but i am speaking about those who choose to keep up a frenetic pace that seems largely self-imposed, unnecessary — and unenjoyable. right now i'm in search of a balance, finding the right job, that i will enjoy, yet leave me the time to have a life. it's a tough balance to find in my industry of choice.
dr. edward hallowell, a psychiatrist and author of “crazybusy: overstretched, overbooked and about to snap” writes about how he knew he had crossed into the dark side from busy to crazy busy when he got mad at a rotary phone while staying at a vacation house. i find that i get aggravated easier than usual lately. is it because i'm too busy? more like not busy enough.
“what a fool i had become,” he writes. “i had become a man in a hurry even when i had no need to hurry.”
according to dr. hallowell, there are many overlapping reasons why we all fall into the trap of being overly busy. a few are:
-it is so easy with cellphones a touch away.
-it is a kind of high.
-it is a status symbol.
-we’re afraid we’ll be left out if we slow down.
-we avoid dealing with life’s really big issues — death, global warming, aids, terrorism — by running from task to task.
-we do not know how not to be busy.
-not only are we constantly occupied, but we, as Americans, are also famous for not knowing how to be unoccupied.
we work our asses off to earn vacation time, and are then hesitant, or just not able to actually take it. when included as part of a salary, you might as well have worked that time for free. boy do i know about that. even when i was on 'vacation,' my cellphone still rang off the hook, and constant email monitoring was a necessary evil, as to not fall too far behind. ironic isn't it? taking a vacation not to relax, but to catch up?
of course, it is not just in the work force that people are madly busy. many people i know, are also so socially busy, that a night hanging out, doing nothing, and 'talking about people we hate,' must be planned weeks in advance. i've always said that spontaneity is one of my best and worst attributes, but it is slowly becoming a smaller and smaller part of my life. i think that the desire for control that has led people to lose it.
you can feel like a tin can surrounded by a circle of a hundred powerful magnets,” he writes. “many people are excessively busy because they allow themselves to respond to every magnet: tracking too much data, processing too much information, answering to too many people, taking on too many tasks — all in the sense that this is the way they must live in order to keep up and stay in control. but it’s the magnets that have the control.”
one way to wrestle back control is to take a hard look at our priorities, he said, “to decide what matters.” this does not necessarily mean big career changes or moving from
manhattan to rural
vermont. (something i tried, unsuccessfully to regain control, moving from
new jersey to
north carolina.) it can also be figuring out in small, but significant ways how to scale down frantic to manageable. because it's all about balance. balance with work, friends, relationships and life in general. something i yearn so strongly to find.
we can long for the days when we didn’t spend as much time tapping on our
cellphones as talking one-on-one, and engaging in intelligent conversation; when cellphones were not the background noise of daily life.
but instead of bemoaning technology, it is time to make it a tool of good rather than evil.
often, small changes can be amazingly simple. for example, one woman took back some of her time, dr. hallowell said, by making a seemingly minor but crucial shift in her workplace: “she put her computer behind her instead of in front of her, so she had to swivel around to use it. to use the computer — to write, to do e-mail, go to google, whatever — she had to make a conscious decision to do so. this is huge.”
other times it can take a little training.
“e-mails put other people’s priorities in your lives." and although the emphasis is on work, to a lesser extent we all see it at home in the form of the friend who constantly sends out the group messages or passes on every joke and lame story or chain letter. people seem to use the
'reply all' button far too frequently.
i particularly like some of the codes you can use to avoid having to reply, though i don't see them much anymore, such as NRN, for no reply needed, and NTN, for no thanks needed. i never thought I would accuse people of being overly polite, but perhaps we can cut a wee bit back on the e-mails that say “thanks!” i know i sent it, if you didn't take the time to read it, then that's your problem.
the trouble with writing about busyness, or my current lack of it, is that, like focusing on dieting or budgeting, i am now way too aware of how i spend or waste each moment. it's exhausting; and if i didn’t need to rush off, i might just lie down to
power-nap...
EXPERIENCE+
aCHANGEneededsoon=
2008[photo by arseni]
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