Soy Sauce Packets & Epiphanies: Tucker "the Confirmed Douchnozzle" Max & Lynne "the Real Victim" Spears [A Buttery New Reading Update]

i don't want to say that i called it, but... i called it. back in august i wrote a post about 5 books that you shouldn't bother reading. in the last two days, two of the douchenozzles that i wrote about have made it into the news. maybe not headline news, but news nonetheless. check it:

so much for the belligerent and debaucherous exploits of the fuck-a-chick-and-go blogger and filmmaker tucker max. what of those only tangentially related to him? well, a 21-year-old uconn student who called tucker "my hero" was arrested last weekend for "allegedly forcing his way into a sleeping woman's apartment and raping her." how's that for a positive role model in the media? this has been your tucker max and associates update.

it ain't easy being lynne spears: sure, you can live off the wealth accumulated from your daughters' hard work and sell their teen pregnancy secrets to ok! magazine for a million dollars, but occasionally, people will think you're a bad parent! that's why it's important for lynne to set the record straight, and the today show gave her just the forum yesterday. hawking her book through the storm, lynne discussed the perils of overexposing your children, something that will surely be nipped in the bud by her incredibly revealing tell-all about daughter britney's loss of virginity. congratulations, lynne: here's your celebratory cheeto.

what can i say, i call 'em like i see 'em.

[via gawker and defamer]

the story behind ssp&e:

so i'm not sure if you're anything like me, but being the 'off the cuff cuisine' chef that i am, i try not to let anything go to waste. you know, when you bring home some bk or mickey d's, and after consuming your poor excuse for food, have ketchup packets or sauce shots left over that you throw in the door and forget about. same goes for chinese food, and you know they always give you enough sauce to put out a fire at the pentagon with your order. you throw them in your refrigerator door and forget about them. then one day you're trying to impress some last minute guests that have decided to stay at your place for dinner and all you have in your 'gourmet' kitchen are some ramen noodles, frozen veggies and some leftover grilled chicken from last weekend's cookout. the makings of a superb, on-the-fly stirfry. but wait, OH SHIT!, how are you going to make a sauce for your stirfry with no sauce? you look in the fridge and all you see is a bottle of ketchup, french's mustard (i use the term mustard loosely when describing french's), and a jar of pickle juice. oh no, what to do, what to do. then you bust open the butter holder, that invariably has never seen a stick of butter in it's life, and VOILA! soy sauce, duck sauce, hot mustard! packets, but instant chinkychow sauce nonetheless! each one of those packets, collected over time, came from a meal, inevitably eaten over conversation, an argument or during a lone lunch of self-reflection, came from a time and place in the past. as are our lessons learned. we learn through the years how to cope, how to inspire, how to teach, and how to live. we don't always remember those lessons, as we throw condiment packets in the fridge we throw life-lessons into the back of our heads, until one day we find ourself in a situation where it becomes relevant and we pull them from the back of our minds as to not waste the advice and lessons of the past. the moral of this story, and the linking of it to my blog- our life experiences are our 'soy sauce packets,' our hidden links to our experiences of our past...

e·piph·a·ny - noun - a sudden, intuitive perception of or insight into the reality or essential meaning of something, usually initiated by some simple, homely, or commonplace occurrence or experience. [www.dictionary.com]

the epiphanies that we experience in life, questions or situations that we find ourselves in, and don't know how to resolve, can most often be solved my raking our brains in search of a 'soy sauce packet.' an answer to a question. a solution to a problem. and so this, this blog, is simply an ever-expanding culmination of soy sauce packets in my butter box, and the epiphanies that have helped to make room for more butter in my fridge...

Soy Sauce Packets & Epiphanies

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Tucker "the Confirmed Douchnozzle" Max & Lynne "the Real Victim" Spears [A Buttery New Reading Update]

Thursday, September 18, 2008

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