Soy Sauce Packets & Epiphanies: Overheard at Barnes & Noble...

After a childish spat with my other half the other night, I found myself sunken in a germ ridden chair at my local Barnes & Noble. Although I was attempting to knock out a few chapters of 'Medium Raw,' I found it difficult due to my close proximity to the cafe's seating area. Hipster after hipster sat next to me to slurp down their $8 latte-chino-machiatos. And all I could do was eavesdrop. It was as if a complete stranger wasn't sitting two feet away from them, tweeting their every word...

The following is the fruit of my eavesdropping endeavors. All of which I was tweeting, as it happened, with the hashtag #OverheardAtBarnesAndNoble:

"His penis was like a stale banana." -60ish year old woman to her much younger friend

"I'm tired of predominantly black men walking around with their asses hanging out. I don't want to see your ass unless I'm crawling into bed with it." -Same 60ish year old lady to her now obviously bored friend

"I don't know what's worse, that she has her 'poosy' pierced or that she's wearing capri pants." -Bored friend talking about another "friend" in the cafe line

"He makes his life harder because he can't keep it in his pants." -60ish year old lady talking about her son

At this point, the oldies left and a trio of blonde college tarts sat down to flip through their CosmoGirl Mags and sip their skinny lattes...

"Whatever, I'm sure John Mayer has gotten way more girls than The Situation has." -Debate Team Captain

"There's a girl in my Chinese class named 'Young,' but it's spelled D-U-N-G. She's Asian." -Captain Obvious

"Why does gas cost $2.47 9/10 per gallon? Are we supposed to carry around pieces of pennies?" -Dipshit in B&N

"What's Lupus?" "Lupus is an auto-immune disease. You would know that if you watched House." -MD Candidate, 2012

"I'm judging Cameron Diaz for being in that movie with Tom Cruise. He's a tool."

"I like 'Sarah, Plain & Tall." "You would."

"It's not called Chat Roulette, it's called Chat Roolay."

"I prefer Jumpers to Rompers."

Next came the pair of Yuppie Moms with their jogging strollers and Volvo keys...

"I've never had to use lube in my life. I'm just naturally wet. It's more comfortable. You should be jealous."

"I have this eerie feeling that there's someone watching me and licking their lips."

And with that, I left.

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the story behind ssp&e:

so i'm not sure if you're anything like me, but being the 'off the cuff cuisine' chef that i am, i try not to let anything go to waste. you know, when you bring home some bk or mickey d's, and after consuming your poor excuse for food, have ketchup packets or sauce shots left over that you throw in the door and forget about. same goes for chinese food, and you know they always give you enough sauce to put out a fire at the pentagon with your order. you throw them in your refrigerator door and forget about them. then one day you're trying to impress some last minute guests that have decided to stay at your place for dinner and all you have in your 'gourmet' kitchen are some ramen noodles, frozen veggies and some leftover grilled chicken from last weekend's cookout. the makings of a superb, on-the-fly stirfry. but wait, OH SHIT!, how are you going to make a sauce for your stirfry with no sauce? you look in the fridge and all you see is a bottle of ketchup, french's mustard (i use the term mustard loosely when describing french's), and a jar of pickle juice. oh no, what to do, what to do. then you bust open the butter holder, that invariably has never seen a stick of butter in it's life, and VOILA! soy sauce, duck sauce, hot mustard! packets, but instant chinkychow sauce nonetheless! each one of those packets, collected over time, came from a meal, inevitably eaten over conversation, an argument or during a lone lunch of self-reflection, came from a time and place in the past. as are our lessons learned. we learn through the years how to cope, how to inspire, how to teach, and how to live. we don't always remember those lessons, as we throw condiment packets in the fridge we throw life-lessons into the back of our heads, until one day we find ourself in a situation where it becomes relevant and we pull them from the back of our minds as to not waste the advice and lessons of the past. the moral of this story, and the linking of it to my blog- our life experiences are our 'soy sauce packets,' our hidden links to our experiences of our past...

e·piph·a·ny - noun - a sudden, intuitive perception of or insight into the reality or essential meaning of something, usually initiated by some simple, homely, or commonplace occurrence or experience. [www.dictionary.com]

the epiphanies that we experience in life, questions or situations that we find ourselves in, and don't know how to resolve, can most often be solved my raking our brains in search of a 'soy sauce packet.' an answer to a question. a solution to a problem. and so this, this blog, is simply an ever-expanding culmination of soy sauce packets in my butter box, and the epiphanies that have helped to make room for more butter in my fridge...

Soy Sauce Packets & Epiphanies

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Overheard at Barnes & Noble...

Friday, July 02, 2010

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