Showing posts with label twitter. Show all posts
Showing posts with label twitter. Show all posts
Too Old To Tweet. [But Thank You Anyway]
Wednesday, July 07, 2010
i don't fit the mold.
i also don't wear a size small t-shirt.
and lord knows, i have no filter.
mtv just announced the final two tj candidates.
i had high hopes after seeing the profiles of the first 18 that they announced; i could out-tweet all of them with no thumbs & a blackberry, all while giving pre-surgery star jones a piggyback ride...
instead, they chose a lesbian that looks like justin bieber and a boricua that's addicted to the hills.
in any case, THANK YOU for all of your nominations via twitter and facebook.
and for constantly harassing the @mtvtj twitter account with every reason you could think of as to why they should pick me.
let's face it, mtv's just not ready for this jelly...
Overheard at Barnes & Noble...
Friday, July 02, 2010
After a childish spat with my other half the other night, I found myself sunken in a germ ridden chair at my local Barnes & Noble. Although I was attempting to knock out a few chapters of 'Medium Raw,' I found it difficult due to my close proximity to the cafe's seating area. Hipster after hipster sat next to me to slurp down their $8 latte-chino-machiatos. And all I could do was eavesdrop. It was as if a complete stranger wasn't sitting two feet away from them, tweeting their every word...
The following is the fruit of my eavesdropping endeavors. All of which I was tweeting, as it happened, with the hashtag #OverheardAtBarnesAndNoble:
"His penis was like a stale banana." -60ish year old woman to her much younger friend
"I'm tired of predominantly black men walking around with their asses hanging out. I don't want to see your ass unless I'm crawling into bed with it." -Same 60ish year old lady to her now obviously bored friend
"I don't know what's worse, that she has her 'poosy' pierced or that she's wearing capri pants." -Bored friend talking about another "friend" in the cafe line
"He makes his life harder because he can't keep it in his pants." -60ish year old lady talking about her son
At this point, the oldies left and a trio of blonde college tarts sat down to flip through their CosmoGirl Mags and sip their skinny lattes...
"Whatever, I'm sure John Mayer has gotten way more girls than The Situation has." -Debate Team Captain
"There's a girl in my Chinese class named 'Young,' but it's spelled D-U-N-G. She's Asian." -Captain Obvious
"Why does gas cost $2.47 9/10 per gallon? Are we supposed to carry around pieces of pennies?" -Dipshit in B&N
"What's Lupus?" "Lupus is an auto-immune disease. You would know that if you watched House." -MD Candidate, 2012
"I'm judging Cameron Diaz for being in that movie with Tom Cruise. He's a tool."
"I like 'Sarah, Plain & Tall." "You would."
"It's not called Chat Roulette, it's called Chat Roolay."
"I prefer Jumpers to Rompers."
Next came the pair of Yuppie Moms with their jogging strollers and Volvo keys...
"I've never had to use lube in my life. I'm just naturally wet. It's more comfortable. You should be jealous."
"I have this eerie feeling that there's someone watching me and licking their lips."
And with that, I left.
Follow me on Twitter HERE. Read more...
Donate $10 With One Click. And It Won't Cost You Sh*t.
Saturday, March 27, 2010
My Personal Friend, Ed Baker, is competing with a team of coworkers in The Cuervo Games in Tempe, Arizona. In order for his team to make it to the competition, they must rack up votes on Facebook. Ed and his team are pledging to raise $10 for each vote cast, to go to The Tempe Community Action Agency**, if their team gets enough votes to compete.
It won't cost you a dime and will only take a minute of your time to VOTE.
Thanks!
**The Tempe Community Action Agency is a Non-Profit Organization based in Tempe, Arizona that provides Emergency Assistance to Children, Families & the Elderly.
The Complete, Chronological, Abridged Oscars...
Sunday, March 07, 2010
So I didn't get home in time to live tweet the Oscars, and after fast forwarding through them on the TiVo, I'm almost glad that I missed them... That was a painful 3 hours, but here are my much sought after observations in chronological order...
- That was the most uncomfortable Red Carpet that I've ever seen in my life. I've never seen celebrities not want to talk as much as they did not want to talk to Kathy "Charlie Horse" Ireland and Sherri "Awkward Silence" Shepherd.
- Dear ABC, Neil Patrick Harris was funnier when he was on CBS. Nice try though.
- Steve & Alec, FTW.
- Why is Zac Efron still relevant?
- Inglourious Basterds is the most overrated movie of all time.
- Miley Cyrus looked like a whore in her negligee-esque dress.
- T-Bone Burnett needs to fire his stylist and hire a tailor.
- Based on that clip of 'District 9,' that movie should have won an Oscar for biggest waste of film stock.
- Molly Ringwald looked like she was tweeking. And like she was brutally raped by Father Time.
- Can someone please let Samuel L. know that Kangol hats went out with LA Gears?
- Once again, Steve & Alec, FTW.
- Ben Stiller is increasingly unfunny.
- I love Queen Latifah, but she laughs like a truck driver with a two pack-a-day habit.
- Mo'nique. 'Nuff said.
- Sarah Jessica Parker looks like a horse. Tonight, she looked like a horse wearing a chandelier from a funeral home.
- Kinkos just called looking for jLo, they need some of the bubblewrap back that wrapped her ginormous hips in.
- I've said it before and I'll say it again... The Legion of Extraordinary Dancers needs to get rid of the chicks. They bring down their performance.
- Fcuk 'Avatar.'
- Kathy Bates looked strangely like Ruby's left thigh.
- And finally, 10 is way too many.
Regarding Jimmy Fallon's Musical Guest [Straight From My Mom's Mouth]
Friday, March 13, 2009
He must be Irish cause this is stupid... Go eat some Lucky Charms." --my mom
this statement was immediately followed by: "don't twitter that, the leprechauns will come and steal my cat."
From Tonight's LiveTweet of American Idol:
Thursday, March 12, 2009
i was live tweeting american idol tonight while it was live on the east coast and after this dude matt sang, the judges compared him to justin timberlake. again. they've done it just about every week, to which i responded via tweet:
it's now almost 1am on the east coast and my twitter is still getting retweets from all the people that keep passing it around. www.twitter.com/americanidol even sent me a direct message that just said "LOL." so i felt a visual aid was necessary.
and btw, my followers have doubled since yesterday's live idol tweet session... because i'm now apparently a snark.
Read more...Comcast, For The WIN! [Twitterific]
Thursday, February 26, 2009
we've been having problems with our phone/interet/cable for weeks now. last week we scheduled an appointment for this past monday, for which no one ever showed up. yesterday, sam called to make another appointment because i know how i get when i deal with the cable company. the earliest available date for service? MONDAY! wtf, right? so this morning, the internet wasn't working before noon, which has lately been the case, and having not slept (and sans coffee), i twittered this:
eleven minutes later, i got this: (to be read from the bottom up)
fast forward to 2:16pm... comcast man rolls up in my driveway, spends 40 minutes f'n with wires and such and fixes EVERYTHING.
so for those of you that don't believe in twitter, you better recognize.
and comcastbill, you're my hero.
Ain't That The Truth... [Potent Quotables]
Thursday, February 05, 2009
With an East Coast sense of humor, it’s more about what you don’t say.” --edward via molls
Yo' Mama Jokes [1993 Throwback]
Thursday, October 23, 2008
# yo mama so fat, she authorized a $700 billion bailout of dairy queen.[via imjustsayin] Read more...
# yo mama so fat, she thinks the G8 is a value meal.
# yo mama so fat, mccain gives patronizing air quotes when he talks about the "health of yo mama"
# yo mama so fat, when they asked which menus she reads, she said "you know, all of 'em."
Full Tank of Unleaded + Roadtripnol = Serious Deliciousness
Monday, October 20, 2008
for all of you jokers who replied about my last twitter about that sandwich,
i want a primanti bros. sandwich. roadtrip to pittsburgh anyone?"
yes, french fries and cole slaw on the sandwich! you interested now bitches? pop a roadtripnol and let's roll. i got a full tank of unleaded, and i could ride all night.
Her Not Totally Sucking Was Kind of "Refreshing." [SNL for Prez.]
Sunday, October 19, 2008
[clip on jezebel]
TONIGHT: Hack the Debate IV. [Current_ + Twitter]
Wednesday, October 15, 2008
[via i'm just sayin'] Read more...
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
