Soy Sauce Packets & Epiphanies: To Say That 2008 Has Been a Long Year, Would Be a Gross Understatement.

right about this time last year, i was in the midst of what i thought was something of a quarterlife crisis. i was sure that i had hit rock bottom and that there was nowhere to go but up. now as i sit here, i wonder what my life would be like if what i know now, i knew then.

love for a childi've learned a lot about myself in the past twelve months- i've lost jobs, cars, friends, family and a lifetime of memories; all in the span of one year. i've learned exactly what it is that i can live without. i've learned the true value of friendship. and most importantly, through an odd array of lists and notes in a journal, i've learned about me. i can now define myself more conclusively, and i'm a better person for it.

details in the fabrici've taken a beating. i've been faced with challenges that no one else understands. i've made sacrifices that others take for granted. i've been beaten down endlessly, yet i've been able to stumble to my feet. and i stumble still, grasping at consistency and happiness in the distance.

with all that being said, i'm not sure how to feel this holiday season. the holidays, for me at least, were always about consistency. the repetitious series of events that went on every year. the simple feeling of being home. i haven't felt at home anywhere in six years. the holiday feast... the cheerful banter... when i think about that last christmas in my hometown with my small family and a handful of extended family, gathered around the holiday table, it feels like a dream. i don't ever know that i'll feel that again, but the holiday spirit was truly alive that night...

halfway homei write this, not in search of pity or praise, but to let go and move on...

i still have much to be thankful for this year.

the story behind ssp&e:

so i'm not sure if you're anything like me, but being the 'off the cuff cuisine' chef that i am, i try not to let anything go to waste. you know, when you bring home some bk or mickey d's, and after consuming your poor excuse for food, have ketchup packets or sauce shots left over that you throw in the door and forget about. same goes for chinese food, and you know they always give you enough sauce to put out a fire at the pentagon with your order. you throw them in your refrigerator door and forget about them. then one day you're trying to impress some last minute guests that have decided to stay at your place for dinner and all you have in your 'gourmet' kitchen are some ramen noodles, frozen veggies and some leftover grilled chicken from last weekend's cookout. the makings of a superb, on-the-fly stirfry. but wait, OH SHIT!, how are you going to make a sauce for your stirfry with no sauce? you look in the fridge and all you see is a bottle of ketchup, french's mustard (i use the term mustard loosely when describing french's), and a jar of pickle juice. oh no, what to do, what to do. then you bust open the butter holder, that invariably has never seen a stick of butter in it's life, and VOILA! soy sauce, duck sauce, hot mustard! packets, but instant chinkychow sauce nonetheless! each one of those packets, collected over time, came from a meal, inevitably eaten over conversation, an argument or during a lone lunch of self-reflection, came from a time and place in the past. as are our lessons learned. we learn through the years how to cope, how to inspire, how to teach, and how to live. we don't always remember those lessons, as we throw condiment packets in the fridge we throw life-lessons into the back of our heads, until one day we find ourself in a situation where it becomes relevant and we pull them from the back of our minds as to not waste the advice and lessons of the past. the moral of this story, and the linking of it to my blog- our life experiences are our 'soy sauce packets,' our hidden links to our experiences of our past...

e·piph·a·ny - noun - a sudden, intuitive perception of or insight into the reality or essential meaning of something, usually initiated by some simple, homely, or commonplace occurrence or experience. [www.dictionary.com]

the epiphanies that we experience in life, questions or situations that we find ourselves in, and don't know how to resolve, can most often be solved my raking our brains in search of a 'soy sauce packet.' an answer to a question. a solution to a problem. and so this, this blog, is simply an ever-expanding culmination of soy sauce packets in my butter box, and the epiphanies that have helped to make room for more butter in my fridge...

Soy Sauce Packets & Epiphanies

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To Say That 2008 Has Been a Long Year, Would Be a Gross Understatement.

Wednesday, November 26, 2008

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