Soy Sauce Packets & Epiphanies: Dear F*cktard Who Found My Phone, [NSFW]

this letter is in response to "dear racist asshole" from a few weeks ago.

you found my phone, snooped through my text messages and decided i was a bigot. congratulations buddy! you've taken the first step towards eliminating racism!

i am not a racist; i am only guilty of having friends who tell stupid jokes. just like you, i don't have any control over what filth people send to my phone. i also had no say in my phone being stolen from my work, my privacy being invaded by a thief (that would be you), or having some ignorant fuck call me a racist. you are an asshole.

personally, i would have loved for you to have actually called my mom. not only would i have gotten my phone back, but she could have explained to you that we shed joyous tears together on november 5th. was it because we were mourning the loss of the white race? oh no. we are lifelong democrats and we are also black people. you've heard of black people, right? they're the ones you're righteously crusading for, you piece of shit. however, you may have never seen one up close all the way up there on your high horse.

also, way to lie about that "loving black cock" text message. a quick survey of my friends proved your story to be false. not only are you a thief, you're also a self-aggrandizing liar. stay classy!

judging from the comments left on the previous i, anonymous column, there are quite a few grumpy white people in town who are interested in punishing racists. (on a side note, are we really still having the debate about why it's okay for black people to say "cracker" but not okay for white people to say nigger? really?) just out of curiosity, where were all of you when washington state voters repealed affirmative action? what are you all doing on a daily basis to increase the number of african-americans who graduate from high school? or go on to higher education? oh, i'm sorry, i see you are all too busy passing judgment on me and my personal, private text messages to concern yourselves with actual racism.

-anonymous black person with no phone

[via slog]

the story behind ssp&e:

so i'm not sure if you're anything like me, but being the 'off the cuff cuisine' chef that i am, i try not to let anything go to waste. you know, when you bring home some bk or mickey d's, and after consuming your poor excuse for food, have ketchup packets or sauce shots left over that you throw in the door and forget about. same goes for chinese food, and you know they always give you enough sauce to put out a fire at the pentagon with your order. you throw them in your refrigerator door and forget about them. then one day you're trying to impress some last minute guests that have decided to stay at your place for dinner and all you have in your 'gourmet' kitchen are some ramen noodles, frozen veggies and some leftover grilled chicken from last weekend's cookout. the makings of a superb, on-the-fly stirfry. but wait, OH SHIT!, how are you going to make a sauce for your stirfry with no sauce? you look in the fridge and all you see is a bottle of ketchup, french's mustard (i use the term mustard loosely when describing french's), and a jar of pickle juice. oh no, what to do, what to do. then you bust open the butter holder, that invariably has never seen a stick of butter in it's life, and VOILA! soy sauce, duck sauce, hot mustard! packets, but instant chinkychow sauce nonetheless! each one of those packets, collected over time, came from a meal, inevitably eaten over conversation, an argument or during a lone lunch of self-reflection, came from a time and place in the past. as are our lessons learned. we learn through the years how to cope, how to inspire, how to teach, and how to live. we don't always remember those lessons, as we throw condiment packets in the fridge we throw life-lessons into the back of our heads, until one day we find ourself in a situation where it becomes relevant and we pull them from the back of our minds as to not waste the advice and lessons of the past. the moral of this story, and the linking of it to my blog- our life experiences are our 'soy sauce packets,' our hidden links to our experiences of our past...

e·piph·a·ny - noun - a sudden, intuitive perception of or insight into the reality or essential meaning of something, usually initiated by some simple, homely, or commonplace occurrence or experience. [www.dictionary.com]

the epiphanies that we experience in life, questions or situations that we find ourselves in, and don't know how to resolve, can most often be solved my raking our brains in search of a 'soy sauce packet.' an answer to a question. a solution to a problem. and so this, this blog, is simply an ever-expanding culmination of soy sauce packets in my butter box, and the epiphanies that have helped to make room for more butter in my fridge...

Soy Sauce Packets & Epiphanies

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Dear F*cktard Who Found My Phone, [NSFW]

Friday, November 28, 2008

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