Soy Sauce Packets & Epiphanies: work

Showing posts with label work. Show all posts

My Life Has Reached A New Low...

Monday, February 16, 2009

...i was just fired via instant message.

"professionalism" at its best!

"...but she breathes funny..." [Sadly, Yes, I Really Did Just Have This Conversation]

Wednesday, February 04, 2009

"candy": do you watch one tree hill?

ME: did you really just ask me that question?

"candy": yes. nobody else watches it and all my associates and friends tease me.

ME: ask pam, i bet she watches it. lol

"candy": you know that i'm a 30 y/o blk woman, and it does not cater to my demographic, but i love it.

ME: true.

"candy": there is one girl in my fiction class that watches it, but she breathes funny and i dont like talking to her.

ME: isn't one tree hill for the prepubescent spoiled white girls???

"candy": yessssssssssssss, but it is the greatest.

"See You Next Year!" [Decidedly Not Clever]

Wednesday, December 31, 2008

this was on peevepile this afternoon:

Telling someone you will "see them next year!" right before New Years.
This is especially annoying when you are going to see the person in a day or two.
— Charlene from L.A.

and then this just happened at work:

LAVERNE: have a good night
BOB: HAPPY NEW YEAR TO EVERYONE!
LAVERNE: see u next year
BOB: see u next year
BOB: lol
BOB: haha
BOB: has left the room.
LOQUEESHA: have a good night & a happy new year!

definately NOT funny, or clever.

[via peevepile]

How Many NY/NJ Stereotypes Can I Fit Into One Phone Conversation/Blog Post? [I Really Just Had This Conversation]

Thursday, December 18, 2008

ME: {on phone} thank you for calling (my job), my name is tony, how may i help you?

douche: yea, i need to order some (of what my job sells).

ME: i'd be happy to help you with that, may i have the zip code where you'll be sending the (stuff i sell)?

douche: hey, where you?

ME: virginia, sir.

douche: oh, really? you don't sound like you from virgeenia.

ME: i'm not sir, i'm actually from north jersey.

douche: i knew it, fuckin' joisey. i'm callin' from da bronx. we're like fuckin' nay-bahhs.

ME: yes sir, i suppose we are.

douche: why da fuck you move down dair? it stinks dair, no? well, maybe not as bad as it stanks in joisey.

ME: actually sir, i'm pretty sure that the smell in JERSEY (emphasis on the pronunciation) is just the stench from the five burroughs being blown inland by the ocean breeze.

douche: woah, woah! heh, you prolly right. so, you gonna take my or-duh or whaa?

ME: ...blah...blah...blah...

I'm Apparently "Laugh-Out-Loud" Funny [LOL Overkill]

Monday, December 15, 2008

PREFACE: we were discussing why it's not exciting to recieve a $10 best buy gift card. this conversaation took pleace in a chatroom. (i know what you're thinking, "oh, how 1996!" and you'd be correct.)

ME: what can you buy at best buy for 10 bucks?

"ESTELLE": lol

ME: think about it...

"KATE": lol

"CHACHI": a dvd

"SHIRLEY": ok joni give up those orders!! ha ha

ME: 10 bucks for a dvd? what best buy do YOU shop at?

"LAVERNE": maybe a candy bar at check out

"PENELOPE": a vhs movie

"ESTELLE": lol

"KATE": lol

ME: you'd be lucky if you could buy a soda and a smile at the best
buy near me for 10 bucks

CHACHI: soda and a smile LOLOLOL

"KATE": lol

"SHIRLEY": ha ha that was funny antal***

"ESTELLE": that was funny

"PENELOPE": that waz really funni :)

now that we've established the hilarity of a comment that was meant to be sarcastic, here are a few notes on the situation:

**yes, she called me antal, which while it IS my real name, my mom never even called me that after i fcuked up and she wanted to whoop my ass. but some peopel are to dense to grasp a realitionship between antal and tony, to keep it straight.

SOME NAMES HAVE BEEN CHANGED TO PROTECT THE IDENTITY OF THE EASILY AMUSED.