[Potent Quotables]
Sunday, March 28, 2010
Are you in church? You better not be texting me from church. I've already got a one-way ticket to Hell, I don't need you getting my ticket upgraded to First Class." -Me via Text Message at 11am
Showing posts with label potent quotables. Show all posts
Showing posts with label potent quotables. Show all posts
Friday, March 12, 2010
"BALLET: The preferred dance of preteen girls, gay dudes & rich white people." -Jimmy Fallon
Tuesday, March 31, 2009
"if you possess something that you cannot give away, then you do not possess it, it possesses you." --frank sinatra
Regarding Jimmy Fallon's Musical Guest [Straight From My Mom's Mouth]
Friday, March 13, 2009
He must be Irish cause this is stupid... Go eat some Lucky Charms." --my mom
this statement was immediately followed by: "don't twitter that, the leprechauns will come and steal my cat."
[Potent Quotables]
He's done more for the good in 50 days that we've had him than that goatblowing assclown did in 8 years. I love him."
--hampsterpants via jezebel
Context: A Friend Was Complaining About Feeling "Plugged Up" After A Long Night Of Drinking, Followed By Me Suggesting A Diner For Breakfast:
That oughta lube the tube." --me
Monday, March 09, 2009
--Walter KirnRead more...
A Textic Disturbance:
Tuesday, March 03, 2009
how could she withhold that pertinent information? give me missy's cell number, NOW! i'm going to text her a new asshole."me, texting brian about a mutual friend that witheld information regarding a long lost classmate that's been found on facebook, and was kept secret by said "friend." some friend, i know. Read more...
How Do We Feel About The Term 'Twat Waffle'? [Syn: Douchenozzle]
Friday, February 27, 2009
i think i like it.
[nymag]
Is There Really Such Thing As A "Bad" Lifetime Movie? [Potent Quotables]
Wednesday, February 18, 2009
Why does my life resemble that of a bad Lifetime movie about what young girls shouldn't do?" --electa, reacting to a long string of reminiscent emails between a bunch of old friends
Because the Story About the 13 Year Old Daddy Wasn't Disturbing Enough, Now There's a 16 Year Old Saying He's the "Baby Daddy" [Time to Call Maury]
Sunday, February 15, 2009
so i find this situation to be pretty disturbing, but this story from the sun has some seriously potent quotables.
The shy lad, whose voice has not yet broken, said: "I thought it would be good to have a baby. I didn’t think about how we would afford it. I don’t really get pocket money. My dad sometimes gives me £10.”
We didn’t think we would need help from our parents. You don’t really think about that when you find out you are pregnant. You just think your parents will kill you.”
Other stupid boys are lying, saying bad things, like they have slept with Chantelle too," Patten says, "But I am the only boyfriend she has had and we've been together for two years, so I must be the dad. When she found out she was having a baby, I asked her 'Am I the dad?' and she went 'Yeah' so I believe her. I didn't know about DNA tests before, but Mum explained it's when they do a swab in your mouth and it tells you if you're the dad. So, if I have that, they can all shut up."
[sperm is getting weirder... via slog]
[baby-faced boy alfie... via thesun]
[alfie patten to take... via jezebel]
On Octomom...
Saturday, February 14, 2009
But then you have the Duggars, who equally sicken me..." --molls' mom on 'octomom'
Ain't That The Truth... [Potent Quotables]
Thursday, February 05, 2009
With an East Coast sense of humor, it’s more about what you don’t say.” --edward via molls
I Hate Facebook, And 25 Other Things That You Probably Don't Give A Sh*t About:
Monday, February 02, 2009
1- i've recently discovered that hearing people eat cereal makes me want to punch them in the face. the slurp/crunch combo kills me.
2- i have zero tolerance/compassion for sick people. and by sick, i mean cold, flu, headache, etc.; i'm not talking gravely ill. when i'm sick, i may be in a bitchy mood, but you won't hear me complaining about it.
3- i haven't had a cellphone in almost 2 years. as much as i love not having one, i've realized that it's the only way to keep in touch with some people. i'm currently in the final stages of breaking down to purchase a new one.
4- i'm totally one of those stubborn/loyal people that finds a product or service that works, and i never stray. some examples as of late: cough drops- fisherman's friend (they may taste like ass chalk, but they work like a charm), cold remedy- theraflu (because it's jersey born and raised, just like me), chapstick- blistex clear advance (well, i used to be loyal, until those asshats discontinued it. now i'm a carmex man).
5- totally opposite of #4, some things i couldn't care less about. exhibit a: toilet paper. i don't care if it's silk or 80 grit, if it keeps my hand clean and wipes the crack, it's fine by me.
6- i was less than legitimately employed for the first 11 months of 2008.
7- i thoroughly enjoy personal time, and i get bitchy when i don't have any.
8- some of my best blogging in the past 2 months has happened on the i95 corridor.
9- i enjoy drinking the juice out of jars of banana pepper rings.
10- lately i've had heartburn like a 90 year old and have been chewing zantac like pez. this can most likely be attributed to actions such as #9.
11- i really want to do undercover police work. i think i'd be great at it. nobody in their right mind would ever suspect me. ever.
12- i would kill a praying mantis for a spicy tuna handroll and a bowl of kimchee right about now.
13- even though i think i would be a great undercover agent, i would also really like to be the person that chooses the music to go in movies and tv shows. and i would be the fcuking cool musical director (if that's what they're called) because i wouldn't just use all the been-around-way-too-long-bands that get used in every damn movie. hey, mtv, call me.
14- that i can count, there are 6 people in my life that i refer to as "my future ex-wife." my girlfriend is not one of them.
15- ...but i don't ever want to get married, so hopefully that'll never happen. though i do want kids, and a 'wife,' just not marriage so much. goldie hawn and kurt russell did it and are living happily ever after, so why can't i?
16- i know that money doesn't fix everything, but $250,000 sure would be nice right about now. when i drive back and forth between virginia and new jersey, every time i see a lottery sign, i daydream about all the things that i would do if i won that money.
17- my current job requires me to talk on the phone for 8 hours a day. almost once a day, someone tells me that i have a sexy phone voice. today i have a sore throat and a stuffy nose, and 4, count them, 4 people said it today. and the last one was a dude that said i "gave him the chills."
18- i'm only going to say this once: i love watching the real world brooklyn. don't judge me.
19- i have the uncanny ability to not only draw strange connections between otherwise unrelated objects/places/smells/tastes/etc., but also to remember them. forever. i.e. whenever i drink dr. pepper, i immediately visualize the break room at leewards, where my mom used to work when i was 10. whenever i smell wet hay, it reminds me of the jaycees carnival at borough field in my hometown. i could go on forever...
20- facebook requires way to much effort on my part. i wish the world would realize that although myspace is juvenile, at least it tells you when somebody talks shit about you. on facebook you have to continuously stalk people to see who's talking smack. i don't have that kind of time.
21- for as stressed out as i feel all the time, i've realized that compared to most people i know, i'm a pretty laid back and easy going guy.
22- i hate that when i'm freezing my balls off i think to myself, "i'd rather be sweating my ass off." and when i'm sweating my ass off i think to myself, "i'd rather be freezing my balls off." because really, i'd rather be doing neither.
23- new words that i hate: truncate, lavage, piquant, meme, quixotic.
24- flashback to #16- people that cannot hold a conversation about anything, without mentioning the cost of something make me want to drink cod liver oil. money does not equal true happiness.
25- sometimes, i wish that i did, indeed, sweat actual butter. then i could rub toast in my armpits.
**BONUS** i bet after this, no one ever posts a 'note' on facebook ever again. and for the asswipe facebook inventor that started this meme, congratulations! now everyone knows about another useless function that facebook has to offer. thank you for providing mind numbing entertainment for half the country. next time just send an email chain letter, it's easier to forward. thanks.
Actual Words That Just Came Out Of My Mouth: [It Was A Christopher Lowell Moment]
that's so ugly; it's not pink, it's not purple. it's mauve. mauve is such an indecisive color."
Mission Accomplished.
Friday, January 23, 2009
when i look at the man who would be king
the man who would be king goes to the
desert to sing war his dad rehearsed
came back with flags on coffins and said
we won, oh, we won..."
'20 dollar nose bleed' by fall out boy
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