[Potent Quotables]
Thursday, March 12, 2009
He's done more for the good in 50 days that we've had him than that goatblowing assclown did in 8 years. I love him."
--hampsterpants via jezebel
Showing posts with label obama. Show all posts
Showing posts with label obama. Show all posts
I Was Called An "Idiotic Liberal" When I Made The Admittedly Blatant Generalization That Republicans Preferred The Anti-Social Aspect Of Facebook...
Tuesday, February 24, 2009
...style "social networking" to myspace's put-all-your-business-out-there-and-let-the-world-judge-you style. but now i have some proof. (it might not be great proof, but it is proof nonetheless.) this facebook sponsored research poll just popped up on my facebook profile, and after choosing "both," i got these results:
The President's Day Cupcake Mosaic Extravaganza!
Monday, February 16, 2009
yes, these are cupcakes. pretty cool looking, but they're still cupcakes; so they probably still taste like dry-ass cake dust in typical cupcake fashion.
[check out more pics of the progress of the mosaic via cakewrecks] Read more...
Obama Seeks New Commerce Secretary on Craigslist
Friday, February 13, 2009
Frustrated in his attempts to find someone willing to be Commerce Secretary, President Barack Obama today turned to Craigslist, the popular online classifieds site.
"The position of Commerce Secretary is too important to remain unfilled another day," Mr. Obama said. "That's why it is absolutely essential that this Craigslist thing work."
The President's online gambit seemed to pay off early in the day, when Josh Hurtstein, an indie rock musician from Williamsburg, Brooklyn, tentatively accepted the post.
But hours later, Mr. Hurtstein did an about-face, withdrawing his name from consideration with the following terse statement: "At first I was like, that would be awesome, but I didn't realize I would have to move."
For his part, Mr. Obama said he would continue his search on Craigslist, adding, "While I have not yet found a Commerce Secretary there I did just find a great pair of skis."
[via borowitzreport]
New Administration, New Rules. I'm Going To Submit These To Obama To Sign An Executive Order, STAT.
Thursday, January 22, 2009
dear president obama,
i believe congratulations are in order. you've inspired so many to hope, and as i am keenly aware, you are anxious to get right to work in the oval office. and on that note, i've compiled this list of executive orders for your perusal and signature at your earliest convenience.NEW RULE #1: stop pop-up ads for classmates.com. there's a reason you don't talk to people for 10 years. because you don't particularly like them. besides, i already know what the captain of the football team is doing these days: mowing my lawn.
NEW RULE #2: don't eat anything that's served to you out of a window unless you're a seagull. people are acting all shocked that a human finger was found in a bowl of wendy's chili. hey, it costs less than a dollar. what did you expect it to contain? kobe beef? you're lucky it was only a thumb.
NEW RULE #3: ladies, leave your eyebrows alone. here's how much us men care about your eyebrows: do you have two of them? okay, we're done.
NEW RULE #4: there's no such thing as flavored water. there's an entire aisle devoted to that crap at the grocery store. water, but without that watery taste. sorry, but flavored water is called a soft drink. and stop acting surprised that it's not packed with your daily dose of vitamins and minerals. you want flavored water? pour some grand marnier over ice and let it melt. now that's flavored water.
NEW RULE #5: the more complicated your starbucks order, the bigger the asshole you are. this has always been the case, but these days if i'm in need of caffeine bad enough to spring $5 for a cup of coffee, i'm not going to have much patience for your long-ass yuppie order. so if you walk into starbucks and order a "decaf grande half-soy, half-low fat, iced vanilla, double-shot, gingerbread cappuccino, extra dry, light ice, with one sweet n' low," you're a huge asshole. remember that.
NEW RULE #6: just because your tattoo has chinese characters in it doesn't make you "spiritual." it's right above the crack of your ass. and for all you know it translates to "beef with broccoli." the last time you did anything spiritual, you were praying to god you weren't pregnant. you're not spiritual, you're probably just high. and on top of all that, the phone is ringing, it's 1999, they want their tattoo back.
NEW RULE #7: competitive eating is not a sport. it's one of the seven deadly sins. and it's funny how asians make fun of americans for being fattys and then they show up at the nathan's lips-and-ass eating contest and take the crown every year. espn even televises it now. because those "athletes" at the poker table are so 2008. what's next, competitive farting? oh wait, they're already doing that. it's called "the howard stern show."
NEW RULE #8: if you're going to insist on making movies based on crappy, old television shows, then you have to give everyone in the theater a remote so we can see what's playing on the other screens. let's remember the reason something was a television show in the first place, it's because the idea wasn't good enough to be a movie. and on top of that, there's also a reason that it used to be a television show.
NEW RULE #9: enough already with the gift registries. it used to be just for weddings. now it's for babies and new homes and graduations from rehab. picking out the stuff you want and having other people buy it for you isn't gift giving, it's the white people version of looting.
NEW RULE #10: this one is long overdue: no more bathroom attendants. after i zip up, some guy is offering me a towel and a mint like i just had sex with george michael. and it's even worse when you can't even tell if he's supposed to be there, or just some freak with a fetish. i don't want to be on your webcam, dude. i just want to wash my hands.
NEW RULE #11: when i ask how old your toddler is, i don't need to know in months. "27 months." "he's two," will do just fine. he's not a cheese. and besides, i didn't really care in the first place.
NEW RULE #12: all americans should have the reserved right to stab anyone in the eye with an icicle that says, "cold enough for ya?" no asswipe, i actually prefer my testicles hiding behind my nipples while my snot freezes on my upper lip. and on that note, wanna make out?
thank you for your immediate attention to this matter.
sincerely,
sir i. sweat butter III Read more...
Re: Absolutely
Wednesday, January 21, 2009
both of my sisters, unlike myself, seldom speak of their political affiliations. that is until this morning when my sister aurora posted this on her blog:
you go ro!
[via wildaurora]
The Dream Realized.
Monday, January 19, 2009
That dream carried us all a long way.
It moved us forward.
It was a little light that nobody could keep from shining.
That dream lasted forty years and then some.
Then, as a country, we woke to find
it wasn't a dream at all.
For anyone who's ever had a dream
and anyone who's ever helped them realize it...
The Dream Realized.
America: “Obama biro yawne yo! Obama biro yawne yo!”
'america's song' by will.i.am, david foster, faith hill, bono, seal & mary j. blige
CLICK HERE for free mp3 download via oprah.com
In 2006, Obama visited Kibera, Kenya, one of the worst slums in all of Africa. As he came to the village, children from the outskirts of town, seeing him approaching, turned and ran to the village center, chanting, “Obama biro yawne yo! Obama biro yawne yo!”
“Obama’s coming. Clear the way.”
[via dylan loewe, photo via gawker, mp3 via oprah] Read more...
HEY! Charleston, Mississippi, 1955 Called, They Want Their Civil Rights Back.
Just one more reason to love the great Morgan Freeman: the actor donated $17,000 to his local high school in Charleston, Mississippi, so that the high school students could finally hold their first integrated prom. (seriously? an integrated prom in 2009? that's so 1955. looks like the south sure is "rising again." i guess they still can't read down in those parts either, or maybe 'apartheid' is just too big of a word. as far as progress goes, maybe the folks in mississippi have some kind of conversion, like cats & dogs do for aging. one human year = fifty mississippian years.)
Freeman's offer, which was first made in 1997, was finally taken up by the school eleven years later, thanks in part to Freeman's participation in a documentary film by Paul Saltzman, who documented Freeman's pitch to the school board, community reactions, and student interviews which showed reactions to the idea of an integrated prom and discussions of the racism that is still present in their town. Not everyone was thrilled with the idea of an integrated dance; several students retaliated by holding a "Whites-Only" prom, which the filmmakers were not invited to cover. (something tells me that the only reason these troglodytes are 'integrating' is because there school can't afford to exist. i doubt $17,000 is being spent on a prom. principal bonus, maybe?)
The documentary, "Prom Night In Mississippi," is premiering this week at Sundance. Freeman, who was outraged ("It's the stupidest thing I've ever heard") that children in his town were still dealing with segregated dances, hopes that the prom, and the film, will break down the separate dance system and the mentality that fuels it. "The kids are not going to want to go backwards," Freeman says, "They've got their toe in the water, and the water's warm." (movie clip, here.)
tuesday can't come fast enough for me.
[via jezebel]
Obama Poised To Become Most Ass-kissed President In History
Tuesday, January 13, 2009
Suckage Reaching New Heights, Historians Say
When he is inaugurated on January 20, President-elect Barack Obama is on track to become the most ass-kissed president in the nation's history, some historians believe.
Those experts say that with conservative pundits and evangelists scurrying to hop aboard the Obama bandwagon, in addition to the liberal talking heads who have been kissing his ass for months, the President-elect's buttocks are being sucked to a degree that is without precedent.
"Abraham Lincoln is perhaps our country's greatest president," says Doris Kearns Goodwin, noted historian and author of the bestselling Team of Rivals, "but he never had his fanny kissed like this."
At MSNBC, a top executive announced today that the news network would suspend its regular programming between now and the Inauguration "to administer one long, glorious blowjob to President-elect Barack Obama."
The network's new promos reflect this agenda, as a disembodied voice asks the viewer, "Do you remember the moment when you fell in love with Barack Obama?"
At the final press conference of his presidency, George W. Bush ruefully contrasted his treatment by the press with the historic level of suckage being bestowed on the President-elect's buttal region.
"You people never kissed my hiney like you're kissing his, and you know it," Mr. Bush said. "As far as I'm concerned, you bastards can all go to hell."
Mr. Bush later struck an elegiac note, saying that he was considering several options for his retirement, including a return to full-time drinking.
[via borowitzreport]
HOPE. [Shepard Fairey]
Thursday, January 08, 2009
Shepard Fairey’s HOPE Original at the National Portrait Gallery
Every single person who at least tossed a cursory glace at 2008’s election campaign knows this poster.
It’s likely the first image people remember when they think of Obama, because it was reproduced in so many different ways…ways that are traditionally reserved for rock bands and underground art. This piece virtually spurred a micro-renaissance in political art, inspiring a completely separate and extremely valuable community of creative minds, unlocking the support of many that wouldn’t have cared otherwise.
On the day of Obama’s Inaguration, the National Portrait Gallery (operated by the Smithsonian) will display the original mixed media piece. I find this to be such an amazing feat, considering Fairey’s roots wheat-pasting and stencil-spraying OBEY Andre the Giant images all over Los Angeles 20 years ago. It’s even more remarkable that the Portrait Gallery normally only displays Presidential portraits at the end of their term. Now, I wouldn’t know this for sure, but it seems like something that would be unprecedented… And that is really awesome. Good work, Shep!
[usatoday via geekadelphia]
Just In Time For Inagauration [YES PECAN]
Wednesday, January 07, 2009
In yet another story of an enterprising business rallying around this exciting moment for our republic, the savvy hippies at Ben and Jerry’s have christened a new flavor for this inaugural month: Yes Pecan! (for those of you who need a little extra help: sounds like “Yes we can”). All January long you can waltz into your neighborhood scoop shop and purchase a cone of this limited edition flavor, which consists of “amber waves of buttery ice cream with roasted non-partisan pecans.” Proceeds from the sale of Yes Pecan! go to the Common Cause Education Fund, which encourages citizen participation in our democracy.
Connoisseurs will note that Ben and Jerrys has a long tradition of distilling our shared cultural experience into delicious ice cream flavors: recall Economic Crunch (1987 stock market crash); Rainforest Crunch (to raise awareness of deforestation); and, Goodbye Yellow Brick Road (Elton John plays in his 50th state!). (See the full list of retired flavors here.) Yum.
[via good.is]
Warm & Fuzzy Photo of the Day:
Tuesday, December 16, 2008
"barack," "joe" & secretary of education nominee "arne," as the kids called them, visited a chicgo school today.
[via jezebel]
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