Bachs of Chocolate
Need a highbrow treat for a symphony enthusiast? Look no further! Bachs of Chocolate are the answer. Let them close their eyes and listen to the celebrated Toccata and Fugue in D Minor while nibbling Bach’s white chocolate ear. Allow me to suggest a pairing of the Cello Suites with dark chocolate, and perhaps the Sonatas and Partitas for violin solo with milk chocolate Bach.
Please treat lightly while listening to St. Matthew Passion. I won’t be held responsible for any unexpected Bachgasms. 
[via jaygrandin]
CocoYoko Ono
Still pissed at Yoko for ruining your life when she broke up the Beatles? Lord knows I am [*shakes fist in the air, angrily screaming "Yooooookooooo, you've won this battle but the war has just begun!*]. Well, it’s time to get back at that beeeotch. Eat her head, melt her down and pour her on strawberries [did you know that she HATES strawberries? Why do you think she broke the Beatles up? It was that Strawberry Fields Forever song... she never forgave Paul]. There’s nothing more loco than eating a coco Yoko.
This is war, Yoko! And I know how much you hate that!
to be continued...
Cinna Minimes
Know an Austin Powers enthusiast? Give the gift of B-level comedy (the kind everyone likes) in the form of B-level sweets. Come on, you remember Cinnamon Toast Crunch right? It was a breakfast cereal box office smash! And I know that some of you watched Gold Member and thought, “That Minime… I could just eat him.” 
to be continued...
i'm not a food snob. i like some chain restaurants. i LOVE the olive garden. but nothing angers me more than the huge menu, full of a metric-fuck-ton of cross-utilized ingredients, at applebees. once you sift through the pages of creatively named crap, you're guaranteed to find something that seems delicious. but if there is one thing i know about applebees, it's that they are consistent. consistently half-assed and tasteless. and the last three times i've been there i've enjoyed my meal on a dirty, over sized plate. the funniest thing about applebees to me, is that i applied to work there when i was moving to north carolina, and they told me that i wasn't experienced enough. i have two college degrees, i ran the beverage department in an atlantic city casino, but i don't have the "experience" to work at applebees. long live mediocrity!
I had the moderate misfortune of being in Auburn, WA a couple of months back to film at a Maroon 5/ Counting Crows show. In pursuit of non-fast food, we ended up at Applebees. Allow me to guide you through the menu.
Perhaps you’d like to start with the Nachos, complete with queso cheese. “Queso” means “cheese” in Spanish. I’d suggest adding some poulet chicken and perhaps some pomodoro tomatoes.
Follow it up with this delicious “pizza”. We did; the waitress said it was just to die for. I assume she meant from clogged arteries. The “thin crust” was actually a tortilla. It was piled with enough cheese to tranquillize a horse. Also, it’s worth pointing out, “creamy spinach” is spinach covered in Alfredo sauce. A more accurate description of this item would be “Open Faced Quesadilla with Queso Cheese”.
You’ll notice that substitutions are OK to make. I’d suggest substituting a pizza.
If that doesn’t suit your taste, may I suggest the steak? It’s particularly delicious served with tiger prawns on a bed of semen.
Unfortunately, the chicken isn’t available with semen, although I’d venture to say that the vomit glaze is a suitable substitute.
If you’re not quite full yet, hows about a nice plate of Chicken Fried Chicken. At Applebees, they don’t pull any funny business and fry their chickens like anything else, they fry their chickens like chickens. Anything different would just be silly.
Is it just me, or is their debate about whether the term “oriental” is racist? What did they call it in the 70’s?
I’m not sure what to say about this meal. Steak quesadilla towers, mini bacon cheeseburgers, and boneless buffalo wings. I think it might be capable of murder.
Other than the food, we had a delightful time."
[via jaygrandin]
from "10 things i learned in tanzania:"
8. Being late is a western concept
[via jaygrandin] Read more...Unless it’s referring to a menstrual cycle, lateness doesn’t seem to faze anyone here, any time… ever. 10am could as easily mean 9am or 1pm. Hakuna Matata. No worries. Enough said.
...I will say, however, that Dutch is a peculiar language...it sounds like English played backwards. I can only imagine what Dutch played backwards would sound like. Probably Grateful Dead lyrics or something... Or Christina Aguilera lyrics in the red light district. What confuses me most about Dutch is that, for it’s similarity to German, it sure sounds like chaos when spoken. When German is spoken, it drips with logic. So much so, that you feel stupid for not understanding it. The language’s obsessive compulsive tendencies follow rigorous additive logic and an impeccable structure. With Dutch, It’s like the words got drunk inside the speaker’s mouth and came stumbling out into the street after last call, still looking to party. Dutch is German’s irresponsible younger brother that did poorly in school because of a misdiagnosed hearing problem... but really knows how to have a good time..."
[via jaygrandin]
argh! i hate my cell phone company so much right now!
In a scene that was eerily reminiscent of the film Network, actress Uma Thurman stuck her head out her building's window and publicly vented frustrations about her cell phone company. Thurman's action inspired a man in the building across the street to yell about his frustration with his cable company's lack of HD channels, which caused the man on the floor below him to yell back that he should look into getting satellite television. As is wont to happen in New York City, the two men got into a very loud and public debate over satellite vs. cable. Thurman saw the men across yelling and yelled at them, "Hey, don't ruin my moment with a bunch of bullshit HD talk. This was about me and my issues with my phone, dingus."i feel your pain uma, i really do. and anyone with t-mobile will also agree.
as you all know, it's not a holiday around here on the site without an awesome vid from JayVideo. you know the ones: misunderstood st. patrick's day, those cute little chocolate bunnies reproducing on easter, or my personal favorite 'chocolate love' on valentine's day.
jay & leah, the masterminds behind those gems, are up for a people's choice award for 'chocolate love,' for best digital animated short.
if you love those videos as much as you tell me you do, please take a minute to go cast your vote by clicking this divine little button:
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