I <3 Jesus: SPECIAL EDITION...
Friday, June 27, 2008
this beauty aggravates the hell out of me. according to the side of this truck, which may be difficult to see because of the size, the following is a list of things associated with having an abortion:
1: depression
2: anger
3: sleepless nights
4: killed my baby
5: breast cancer
breast cancer? seriously? ...f*cking republicans. Read more...
Wipeout, Take One...
Thursday, June 26, 2008
i was ready to write this on tuesday after the show, but the combination of the pain in my stomach from laughing so hard, and the fact that i couldn't find a video of it until today, i had to postpone it until now. this new show wipeout (abc), not to be confused with i survived a japanese game show (also on abc), premiered on tuesday night. i'm pretty sure that i haven't laughed that hard since the first time i saw the e*trade baby puke during the superbowl. the hilarious john henson, formerly of talk soup on e! commentates with others. feel free to forgo the stupidity of "i survived..." but DO watch the hilarious stupidity of the american version of spike's mxc! the "big balls" are especially fun and i doubt that they will ever actually get old. Read more...
WOW! ...What a Shelf Life...
call me crazy but as far as i know, christmas was almost six months ago and therefore it is also six months away. that being said, i was surprised to see this ad on imageshack for free packs of holiday oreos. normally i'm not one to turn down a free cookie, but something tells me that christmas oreos in june are probably a little mushy and about as delicious as six month old egg salad. i did however click on the ad for shits & giggles, but wasn't interested in giving them my life story along with my social security number and the name of my yet-to-be first born child in return for three free packs of stale cookies. look at the bright side though: i doubt nabisco is paying for their 'holiday' ad to be running, but the name is still getting out there, most likely for free.
and yes, the picture i was uploading was of a man wearing socks & crocs... my new pet peeve. i was sending it to my dear friend margz.
I'm Just Mad About The Mayo...
Sunday, June 22, 2008
so on that note, i really hate bill o'reilly. i appreciate shows like his that gather opinions on 'hot topics' from others in their respective professional communities, but his just rubs me the wrong way. what i can't stand about him, is that he has his mind made up, and anyone with a differing view is just plain wrong. i'm sure another part of my hatred towards him has to do with his ridiculous, radical, right wing pander; but he's arrogant too.
it must have been a really slow news day when this clip aired on his show. when you have time to bitch about a mayonnaise commercial, i can't imagine much else was going on; or in his case, anything else that he felt like talking about.
i have three separate issues/questions/opinions on the clip itself:
1- i think his reaction to the commercial is quite comical. watch the commercial again. i mean really watch it. there is a lot going on and nothing at the same time. of all the things that he sees happening, and of all the comments that he comes up with, is "it's a gay thing." even if that's the way you see it, does it really matter? does that change the fact that the commercial is for mayonnaise? if it was "a straight thing," would the commercial really be any different?
2- now us americans were never meant to see this commercial, because too many citizens in "the land of the free" are too closed minded to accept it as reality. too many of us agree with our military, and so we "don't ask," and we hope that they "don't tell." but regardless of all of that, think about commercials that we see every day. with or without sound, commercials do in fact tell a story about a product. with that in mind, what exactly was heinz trying to tell us about mayonnaise? or should i say MANnaise? something freudian, no doubt. i really am curious.
3- the strongest opinion that i have on this commercial, is the least controversial; why the hell can't we get those delicious flavors of mayonnaise in the united states? we're not good enough for caramelized onion, sun dried tomato, roasted garlic or moroccan style mayo here? damn it heinz. that's the biggest controversy here as far as i am concerned. (i still love you for your ketchup though!)
california finally has the right idea, and with any luck the rest of the country will follow suit. so bill, i think it's time you get over it you homophobic, mccain loving hack!
more from truthdig HERE. Read more...
I Know That Summer Just Started, But Mine Is Already Complete...
Saturday, June 21, 2008
this is the newest addition and although i didn't think that it was possible, i think it's the funniest one yet!
I <3 Jesus: Part IV...
i'm not sure if i'll ever stop laughing at these. i guess i'm going to hell.
Part I
Part II
Part III
Jesus NOT Included...
Tuesday, June 17, 2008
in the search for jesus stickers on the streets, this sticker caught my eye.
I <3 Jesus: Part III...
Monday, June 16, 2008
something tells me that this will NEVER end...
this is my favorite so far. next to the sticker that says "stem cells save lives" on the left of the bumper, the sticker says:
JESUS LOVES YOU, EVERYBODY ELSE THINKS YOU'RE AN ASSHOLE."
Part I
Part II
F'n Canucks'll Scare Ya, Eh?
My Reflection of Father's Day...
Sunday, June 15, 2008
all my life's a circle...
my true self, is truly a culmination of who i came from and where i've been. i'm quite content with the realization that 'the real me' is actually a 'real them.' everyone learns things about themselves from their environment and from the people they associate with. in the self-absorbed society that we live in today, i am more comfortable defending the fact that i am a product of my environment. some may call it affectation, i call it learning. often times the thought of someone copying your style is viewed negatively; i, on the other hand, think that it's the ultimate compliment. from gestures to habits to phrases, the fact that someone can remember the way you do things is a sentiment to the fact that you impacted their life when you carried out the operative function. this just goes to show how the cycle begins again; just like i learned from the populace of my past, i pass my knowledge on to all those who follow me. and so it begins again...
cat's in the cradle...
when i think back to my childhood, the most vivid memories, though negative, often revolve around one person: my father. as far back as i can remember, my parents have been divorced; in fact, there was never a time that i can recall when my mother and father were married and living in the same place. most of my memories began when my mom took me and my sisters to live with my grandparents. i was young, afraid, and nowhere near a point of understanding why i could only go home to one parent when all of my classmates went home to two. it just seemed normal to me; after all, i had nothing to compare it to. i am the youngest and only son and in a nick-at-nite-world that means that i should aspire to be just like my father. he should have been my role model. he should have been there for me to play catch with; he should have been there to give me the talk about the birds and the bees. he wasn't. so many times he would call and say that he was on his way, coming to get me, to spend time with me; instead he would leave me waiting on the curb in tears, only to show up three hours late, or not at all. i hope that i learned from this, his, mistake; i know better now.
a better place to be...
all these times of heartache, left me to lean on the one person that was always there for me, my mom. she was the one who brought us away from a home full of bad memories, she was the one who told me about girls, she was the one that spent the time teaching me about the ups and downs of life, she was my role model. i can only imagine that trying to be mom and dad was no easy task, but she did her best given the circumstances. she more than anyone has shaped me into the person that i have become.
i wanna learn a love song...
eventually i stopped waiting. i stopped caring. i made the decision that if i was going to make it, i could do it without him. i had plenty of other people around me that had the time for me, who cared for me, and who had an influence on my present day self. i learned life lessons from the people who had the time to teach me. more often than not, i learned the most from people that didn't even realize that they were teaching me. my old principal from high school, ken hart, was a great example of that. the time that he spent butting heads with me way-back-when taught me how to deal with my stubbornness, a lesson which helped me get into the college of my dreams. i owe that feat to him. he stepped in for a short time, after realizing that a father figure was absent in my life.
let time go lightly...
i see myself following in the footprints of my influences in life. as far as the person that i am now, i am, for the most part, content. i'm writing my own past, and trying my best to sculpt the world that i will occupy in the future. the past year has been a tough one, and i'm not out of the woods yet. i have major life changing decisions to make to get my life back on track. i don't blame anyone for the turbulence in my life, but i do know the difference between an excuse and a reason. there are certainly reasons why the last year has been so tough, but as a very wise man once told me- "tough times never last, but tough people do."
the shortest story...
things aren't as bad as they seem. i don't hate my father. i forgive him for all of those tears, but i will never forget them. i don't know that he has learned from his mistakes, but i hope that i have. i don't want to end up like the cat in the cradle. i continue to learn from the people that i surround myself with, and i appreciate what you all have to offer me. i carry with me the memories of a turbulent life, the mistakes of myself and others, and the strength that has gotten me through it all. things can only get better with time and the fact that i am still here is a testament to that. i've slipped, i've fallen, and i've bounced back many times; each trip has only shown my strength and endurance. now it's time that i return from a reminiscent past and continue to concentrate on now...
this is a rewritten version of an essay that i wrote in 2002 titled 'all my life's a circle: a psychological self-assessment.' i edited it down a bit, and updated it at the same time. each section is named after a harry chapin song from the album 'greatest stories live;' an album that holds a bittersweet place in my life, as it reminds me of my childhood and days gone by, both good and bad.
i have been reading this every father's day since i wrote it, as it encompasses much of my still strained relationship between my father and i. we've never really gotten each other, and i am not sure that we ever will.
In Memory of Tim Russert...
Friday, June 13, 2008
there are no words to describe my feelings upon hearing about the sudden death of tim russert today. although i've been a fan of meet the press over the years, i rarely made it up in time to catch it on sunday mornings.
his appeal had much to do with his blatant knowledge of the issues. he, as i attempt to do as well, rarely shared his political position. he instead studied all sides of the issues, and encouraged discussion and fostered accountability.
though these qualities garnered my respect for him, it wasn't until his passing, and viewing the outpouring of thoughts and condolences that made me realize just what was lost today. an outstanding journalist, a loving husband and father, a beloved son, and most of all, a proud american.
he will be deeply missed.
I <3 Jesus: Part II...
more uberholy bumper stickers...
and my search continues...
Part I
God I Hate Feet...
Thursday, June 12, 2008
"...follow what makes you happy. if you have that feeling that you belong somewhere else, doing something else, being with someone else, you should follow that instinct. it is best to live you life on your own terms."
[alan corey 101]
Fight the Smears...
Hello, Dis' Be Wal-Marts...
...how CAN'T i help youse?
as billy-bob picks up the phone.)
ok, so this is how i imagine this conversation went:
wal-mart employee: "hello, 'dis be wal-marts, how can i help youse?'thanks to the sausage queen for this one... Read more...
customer: "i would like to order a cake for a going away party this week."
wal-mart employee: "what you want on the cake?"
customer: "best wishes suzanne" and underneath that "we will miss you."
i <3 jesus...
Wednesday, June 11, 2008
...bumperstickers. and i'm not sure if there has been a recent outbreak of them, or if i've only just begun to notice them, but whatever the case, they make me laugh. i'll add more as i see them, but here are a few gems that i've seen recently:
to be continued...
All Aboard the Straight Talk Express...
Tuesday, June 10, 2008
my evening plans were railroaded by thunder, lightning and a serious downpour, followed by a two hour power outage. i was, sans sarcasm, very much looking forward to watching the geritol-induced mccain "talking" to barack-and-roll tonight. i'm sure if i thought about it for 30 seconds or so, i could think of everything that he had to say, something along the lines of: pork barrel war, pork barrel economy, pork barrel politics, rosie o'donnell looks like a pork barrel, etc... once again, i'd like to thank god for tivo.
HERE is part one of this video.
and you can find more from 'brave new films' HERE. Read more...
Don't Be So Negative...
Hear You Me...
Sunday, June 08, 2008
you gave us some place to go.
i never said thank you for that.
i thought i might get one more chance.
what would you think of me now,
so lucky, so strong, so proud?
i never said thank you for that,
now i'll never have a chance.
may angels lead you in.
hear you me my friends.
on sleepless roads the sleepless go.
may angels lead you in.
so what would you think of me now,
so lucky, so strong, so proud?
i never said thank you for that,
now i'll never have a chance.
and if you were with me tonight,
i'd sing to you just one more time.
a song for a heart so big,
god wouldn't let it live.
may angels lead you in.
hear you me my friends.
on sleepless roads the sleepless go.
may angels lead you in...
[j/e/w] Read more...
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