I'm Gonna Go Out On A Limb Here And Call This, "The Direct Result Of Child Abuse."

[click here to watch the clip]
"being a conservative pundit is so easy, even a 13-year-old could do it" via gawker

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And Speaking of Baby Bumps... [L'Eggo My Pr'Eggo]

Today on The View, Elisabeth Hasselbeck revealed that there is a new creature who is trying desperately to store up enough strength so that it can escape her. It is called "a baby."

This will be Hasselbeck's third child, joining Grace and the one who got thrown into Gitmo for headbutting President Bush. The baby is due in August (placing its conception date somewhere between Hasselbeck's incense controversy and The View's last guest appearance by Andy Dick), as only recently did Hasselbeck become aware that her post-election vomiting was likely due to the circle of life. The baby will be named William Ayers McCartney Sheetzucacapoopoo Hasselbeck; send your gifts and donations to SarahPAC.

[via defamer]

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My Contribution To The Internets:

it may have taken 5 months to be published, but my further contribution to the internets has finally come to fruition...[via urbandictionary]

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Please Pass The Cheese, She'd Really Enjoy Some With Her Whine...

...because it's apparently not safe to swallow that bitter little pill on an empty stomach.

and now, without further adieu, i reintroduce to you, the (oh god I hope) "Future of the Republican Party:"

[via imjustsayin]

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I'm Not Going To Say Anything More Than...

...THIS made me smile.

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Elisabeth Hasselbeck's 25 Most Annoying Moments of 2008

god, i hate her.

CLICK HERE FOR VIDEO

[via jezebel]

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All Sarah Palin Wants For Christmas is a 'Maverick' Christmas Tree Topper...

...to go with all her new ornaments that were proudly paid for by the republican national committee. (don't worry, she'll return them after christmas.)

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I Was Just Thinking...

...how nice it is that i will never have to hear the word 'maverick' again, unless i decide to watch top gun.

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Merriam-Webster's Word of the Year

merriam-webster says the word of the year, meaning the word with the highest intensity of lookups in their online version in 2008 is:

bailout

which is probably not shocking. i like the whole top ten list; it's like the abbreviated john mccain story.

bailout
vet
socialism
maverick
bipartisan
trepidation
precipice
rogue
misogyny
turmoil

[via websters, slog]

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Karma.

Hillary Clinton - Madame Secretary

Sarah Palin - Festering in Alaska

I love it when deserving women get the last laugh.

[via jgh]

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Dipshit Palin Offers Thankfulnesses:

Alaska Governor Marks Thanksgiving

In order to celebrate Thanksgiving, Alaska Governor Sarah Palin today issued what she called "my list of thankfulnesses":

The first thankfulness being that I'm thankful for this turkey, and also too for the metal funnel thingy that cut the turkey's head clean off while it was flapping its wings trying to get out and all. That was fun.

The next thankfulness being that I'm thankful that Levi is going to marry our Bristol, and I'm hoping also that we'll know soon what his location is.

Another thankfulness too being that I'm thankful for Sen. Ted Stevens, because compared to what he did and all it doesn't seem like a big deal if you tried to get some dumb old trooper fired.

My next thankfulness being I have thankfulness for our President-elect Barack Obama, and proudness, too, even though he probably is spending Thanksgiving palling around with Bill Ayres and Osama bin Laden and the Unabomber also.

A darned important thankfulness being I'm sure thankful that when the lawyers from the RNC came to take back all of that clothing they didn't check under Piper's bed. Good job, Piper!

And my last thankfulness, which I saved for last because it is the most important thankfulness, would be the turkey again also. I'm thankful that God created turkeys with so many tiny little bones in them and also too I hope Katie Couric chokes on one.

[via borowitzreport]

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Sarcasm has Never Been More Beautiful [Give Thanks]

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Did anyone else watch Law & Order SVU last night?

the storyline was about the fourteen year old sluts that made a pregnancy pact in massachusetts back in, when was it, june i think? they adapted it to new york, and had mariska hargitay's character going off on one of the little hos about how dangerous it was to be pregnant so young, your life is over, your kid may be retarded, you won't graduate high school, etc, etc, etc...

and what was the girls comeback?

wait for it...

"but that vice president lady's daughter is pregnant. what's so wrong with it?"

ZING!

dick wolf, you are a genius.

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Muy Interesante (sp?) [Stats]

the recently past, utterly rediculous election season introduced me to a bunch of new blogs that made it into my reader. one of the most versatile is www.good.is it's also one of the only ones that hasn't been deleted now that this is finally over. these two graphics came through there today. they came from a site called future majority, which has a lot of new stats on the ages of voters across the country. muy interesante indeed.[futuremajority via good]

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Winkin' [Dooce]

"He may not answer the questions you want to hear, but he's going to talk straight to the American people and let them know his track record also." -Daily Chuck via Dooce
[via dooce]

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What the Hell is that Flying Dog's Name?

[bestweekever via toomuchawesome]

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You Don't Have to Move to Canada. [Besides, All the Low Class Seats on AirCanada are Already Taken]

this is a post from my friend electa's blog, it also happens to be the post that inspired my last post.


So the results are in and our new president-elect will be Obama. Although I did not vote for the man I am glad to be a part of history in living to see the first black man elected president...Sure you want the person that you vote for to be the one that wins but no, I am not mad. All you can do is hope for the best, isn't that what Obama supporters have been doing all along, hoping? Now I have to hope right along side them. I don't want the country to tail spin out of control (even though it already has) or go crazy simply because the person I voted for didn't win. This is not a sports team or a game of monopoly with friends, where I can wish harm on the other team or scream obscenities at my friends as the beat me at a board game. This is my country and my father raised me to respect the man in charge and do the best for my country regardless of whom is running it. Ultimately "we the people" should be running it, we should be making decisions.

The only thing that hurts me today is the number of people who say "I haven't been proud to be an American in a long time, but today I am." I understand that today is history and something to be proud of, but you should never not be proud to be an American. People lived, fought, and died for you to an American and to take shame in that fact that you are one because we are facing rough times saddens me. If you had lost your pride in this country and what it means to be an American you should have left a long time ago and quite possibly now with all the crazy people that said if McCain lost they were going to leave the country.

With that aside...change is coming and only time will tell this tale.

to which i responded:

pride, much like the ideals that this great country is based on, is not tangible. hope is inspiring. and with inspiration comes pride.

i wholeheartedly agree that we should always be proud to be american - much like we were for the 12 months following 9/11. it's sad that the repression of 9/11 is what it took to bring out the pride of a nation, and i am proud again today that our great country has inspiration again.

we have a long, hard journey ahead of us, there is no doubt. skeptics say that obama's campaign was "all talk." that he's injecting "false hope" in a new generation of americans. when our troops battled the ocean on u-boats, preparing to storm the beaches at normandy, do you think that their commander told them that they were going to die? do you think that they were told of the bloodbath that they were preparing to enter? i doubt it. instead, those troops were INSPIRED by their commanders to FIGHT FOR THEIR NATION, at all costs. in their hearts, they knew, but inspiration pushed them forward, through fear and anguish.

it's also true that we should be prideful of our country, if not for anything, but for those we have lost. it's sad to say that it's easy to forget...

from this day forward, i may not always be proud of my country, but i will always be proud to be an american.

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Or, Just Don't Answer the Phone.

i'm not even going to lie, yesterday was an emotional day. not like teary-emotional, more like exhausted-emotional. i became so engulfed in this election, like so many other people i know, that i'm not sure what i'm supposed to be doing now that it's over. as content as i am, i really didn't want to talk about it at all yesterday. i just wanted to completely soak it in. i didn't answer the phone. i avoided my email and my overflowing google reader. it's just a bi-product of a long election i guess; but it's really amazing to be a part of something that is so much bigger than yourself. maybe this can help me get through the week.

We all know the traditional prohibitions against talking politics: avoid it when you can; don't get personal; find common ground. Thirty million etiquette books can't be wrong, and yet, today, when everyone's bursting with excitement and exaltation and triumph, the old rules don't seem to apply! How can anyone not want to talk about it, you think — how can anyone not be excited?!

And yet, as we know, not everyone is. Some very dear friends and relatives and other assorted grinches are glum and, however inexplicable this may seem, these encounters can't be avoided indefinitely. So listen up: however tempting it may be to do a victory dance and rub their faces in the mud and toss "loser!" around like grass seed, here's a better idea.

Try to avoid it. Put it off as long as possible. Wait until passions have cooled. Avoid calls. Don't pretend solicitude, don't try to be adult, don't try to convince anyone or assume anybody's mind has been changed by the outpouring of joy and enthusiasm that's swept you up. This isn't only to preserve family harmony; rather, it's a way for you to enjoy things for a little while before reality intrudes.

-Stick to a Script. As with any tricky conversation, this is invaluable advice. Stick to talking points: this is what I did last night; yes, I'm happy; I know this isn't what you wanted but let's all try to be optimistic. (This last bit of inclusive language sounds extra-mature.)

-Keep It Short. THIS IS ESSENTIAL. Things can only go in one direction and that's pear-shaped. Holidays are coming and big fight should be avoided at all costs. Manufacture an excuse to end the call beforehand if possible.

-Do. Not. Gloat. Nearly impossible, true. But empathy is essential here. There's nothing worse than a bad winner.

-Have an exit strategy. This comes courtesy of Anna Post, who advises lines like, "I guess we just don't see eye-to-eye; or: I'll have to consider that; or: For me, it's private."

-End on a good note. If it's a family member, "love" is always a good option. If not, a warm "take care," shows you to be a mature adult who's a fitting representative for her candidate.

[via jezebel]

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Listen Senator...

...you don't show up for me, and America doesn't show up for you. See how that works?" --David Letterman on John McCain

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If the World Could Vote, They'd Agree.

www.iftheworldcouldvote.com

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