Tuesday, March 31, 2009


"if you possess something that you cannot give away, then you do not possess it, it possesses you." --frank sinatra

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Not to get all 'pretty woman' on you, but this is the view from the hotel room that I'm in right now... Can we talk?

Friday, March 20, 2009

Sent from my Verizon Wireless BlackBerry

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Yes, that's the Brooklyn Bridge, as seen from the fine@ss Hotel that I'm sleeping in tonight.

Sent from my Verizon Wireless BlackBerry

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If the term 'money shot' could be applied to a drawer, I have a feeling that THIS would be it:

Wednesday, March 18, 2009

Sent from my Verizon Wireless BlackBerry

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WTF is a "Pubemaster?"

Friday, March 13, 2009

i just checked google analytics to get my website stats, and found some interesting keyword searches that led people to this site. i highlighted some of my favorites, including 'pubemaster' and 'soy sauce sex.' i'm so glad to know that i contribute to the importance of the world wide web.

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My Favorite Part of This FAIL is the Package of Raw Chicken Resting on This Poor Kid's Face.

[via failblog]

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Regarding Jimmy Fallon's Musical Guest [Straight From My Mom's Mouth]


He must be Irish cause this is stupid... Go eat some Lucky Charms." --my mom

this statement was immediately followed by: "don't twitter that, the leprechauns will come and steal my cat."

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The New Fcuking Citibank:

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Dick of the Day. [Today in Douchebags]

Thursday, March 12, 2009

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[Potent Quotables]

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[Potent Quotables]


He's done more for the good in 50 days that we've had him than that goatblowing assclown did in 8 years. I love him."
--hampsterpants via jezebel

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From Tonight's LiveTweet of American Idol:

i was live tweeting american idol tonight while it was live on the east coast and after this dude matt sang, the judges compared him to justin timberlake. again. they've done it just about every week, to which i responded via tweet:

it's now almost 1am on the east coast and my twitter is still getting retweets from all the people that keep passing it around. www.twitter.com/americanidol even sent me a direct message that just said "LOL." so i felt a visual aid was necessary.

and btw, my followers have doubled since yesterday's live idol tweet session... because i'm now apparently a snark.

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Does The 'Treat' Make Them Less Of A Swindler?

Tuesday, March 10, 2009

Is a Girl Scout any less of a swindler because she gives you a box of eight cookies for your $3.50? It sounds to me like Bernie's got a bunch of daughters in the family business. But that's just me.

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[Potent Quotables]


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Context: A Friend Was Complaining About Feeling "Plugged Up" After A Long Night Of Drinking, Followed By Me Suggesting A Diner For Breakfast:


That oughta lube the tube." --me

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Is It Possible To Simultaneously Have An Orgasm & A Heart Attack? Because I Think This Might Just Do It.

The Eggless Bacon & Cheese Omelette
[via baconbaconbacon]

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Once Again, FAILblog Doesn't Disappoint:

[via failblog]

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Laundry FAIL

Monday, March 09, 2009

although i'm sure this tag is in a t-shirt from an über-hip thread shop like busted tees or threadless, i'm sure it wasn't meant to be noticed. and if by some chance you have no life and happen to read your t-shirt's care tag, it's placed there in hopes of putting a smile on your face, if only for one second, before you go off on some feminist rant.

this was posted on failblog this morning and has a very special meaning to me. growing up i lived in a house with two older sisters, a mom and a grandma, so it was a rare occurrence that i ever had to do my own laundry. that was, until one day after watching an episode of sally jessy raphael about chauvinist asswipes, i was STUPID enough to say out loud, presumably after being asked to put the load of wash that was in the washer into the dryer, that "LAUNDRY WAS WOMEN'S WORK." needless to say, i've been doing my own laundry since about the third grade...[photo via failblog]

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According to Google Analytics, 36% of all traffic from search engines that led to this site last week included the words 'head' and/or 'cheese'.

[photo via offalgood]

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“Some strangers become more important to you than family, maybe because you’re not expected to love them. You can leave them whenever you want to. Every moment together is a choice.”

--Walter Kirn

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Yup, I Said It.

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This Is What I'm About To Be A Part Of:

Friday, March 06, 2009

[via urbandictionary]
i'll have pictures and stories to post on sunday... or you can follow my weekend shitshow tweets...

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You're Gonna Want To Play With This:

Tuesday, March 03, 2009

CLICK HERE TO START ROCKIN' OUT JEM & THE HOLOGRAMS STYLE!

[ronwinter via imjustsayin]

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If I Ever Get A Tapeworm, I Hope It's A Record Breaking Length.

What are your chances of getting a tapeworm?
thanks, spleen.

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A Textic Disturbance:


how could she withhold that pertinent information? give me missy's cell number, NOW! i'm going to text her a new asshole."
me, texting brian about a mutual friend that witheld information regarding a long lost classmate that's been found on facebook, and was kept secret by said "friend." some friend, i know.

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You Know How I Know?

van morrison just finished mumbling through a song on the first late night with jimmy fallon. i didn't understand a word of it. but i still enjoyed every note. that's how i know... [that van is a classic]

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[Your Morning Coffee]

Sunday, March 01, 2009


"like a child" by jars of clay
the brew dujour:
Fair Trade Wicked Winter Blend- This is a rich blend that is meant to be enjoyed slowly. It works well on its own or with food (especially chocolate). I really wish I could get it in beans, it would be perfect in the french press.

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