Wednesday, August 26, 2009

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"Liberal Media Desecrates Sarah Palin Again!"

Wednesday, July 15, 2009

“Indeed, if political figures stand for ideas, victimization is what Ms. Palin is all about. It is her brand, her myth. Ronald Reagan stood tall. John McCain was about service. Barack Obama has hope. Sarah Palin is a collector of grievances. She runs for high office by griping.”

[WSJ via Wonkette]

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COMING SOON!

Wednesday, July 01, 2009


FOLLOW ME ON TWITTER


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isweatbutter.com has a new little sister site...

Sunday, April 12, 2009

check it out at http://www.islapveganswithrawchickencutlet.com !!!

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"The Only Place I'm Runnin' is the Liquor Store." [Potent Quotables]

Saturday, April 04, 2009

Mike: what did you pack, I don't want to forget anything.
Chuck: I packed uniforms, supplements and gym clothes.
Mike: gym clothes?
Chuck: yea, they have a 3 mile track there...
Mike: "shiiiit, the only place I'm runnin' is the liquor store."

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Tuesday, March 31, 2009


"if you possess something that you cannot give away, then you do not possess it, it possesses you." --frank sinatra

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Not to get all 'pretty woman' on you, but this is the view from the hotel room that I'm in right now... Can we talk?

Friday, March 20, 2009

Sent from my Verizon Wireless BlackBerry

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Yes, that's the Brooklyn Bridge, as seen from the fine@ss Hotel that I'm sleeping in tonight.

Sent from my Verizon Wireless BlackBerry

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If the term 'money shot' could be applied to a drawer, I have a feeling that THIS would be it:

Wednesday, March 18, 2009

Sent from my Verizon Wireless BlackBerry

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WTF is a "Pubemaster?"

Friday, March 13, 2009

i just checked google analytics to get my website stats, and found some interesting keyword searches that led people to this site. i highlighted some of my favorites, including 'pubemaster' and 'soy sauce sex.' i'm so glad to know that i contribute to the importance of the world wide web.

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My Favorite Part of This FAIL is the Package of Raw Chicken Resting on This Poor Kid's Face.

[via failblog]

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Regarding Jimmy Fallon's Musical Guest [Straight From My Mom's Mouth]


He must be Irish cause this is stupid... Go eat some Lucky Charms." --my mom

this statement was immediately followed by: "don't twitter that, the leprechauns will come and steal my cat."

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The New Fcuking Citibank:

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Dick of the Day. [Today in Douchebags]

Thursday, March 12, 2009

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[Potent Quotables]

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[Potent Quotables]


He's done more for the good in 50 days that we've had him than that goatblowing assclown did in 8 years. I love him."
--hampsterpants via jezebel

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From Tonight's LiveTweet of American Idol:

i was live tweeting american idol tonight while it was live on the east coast and after this dude matt sang, the judges compared him to justin timberlake. again. they've done it just about every week, to which i responded via tweet:

it's now almost 1am on the east coast and my twitter is still getting retweets from all the people that keep passing it around. www.twitter.com/americanidol even sent me a direct message that just said "LOL." so i felt a visual aid was necessary.

and btw, my followers have doubled since yesterday's live idol tweet session... because i'm now apparently a snark.

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Does The 'Treat' Make Them Less Of A Swindler?

Tuesday, March 10, 2009

Is a Girl Scout any less of a swindler because she gives you a box of eight cookies for your $3.50? It sounds to me like Bernie's got a bunch of daughters in the family business. But that's just me.

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[Potent Quotables]


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Context: A Friend Was Complaining About Feeling "Plugged Up" After A Long Night Of Drinking, Followed By Me Suggesting A Diner For Breakfast:


That oughta lube the tube." --me

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Is It Possible To Simultaneously Have An Orgasm & A Heart Attack? Because I Think This Might Just Do It.

The Eggless Bacon & Cheese Omelette
[via baconbaconbacon]

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Once Again, FAILblog Doesn't Disappoint:

[via failblog]

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Laundry FAIL

Monday, March 09, 2009

although i'm sure this tag is in a t-shirt from an über-hip thread shop like busted tees or threadless, i'm sure it wasn't meant to be noticed. and if by some chance you have no life and happen to read your t-shirt's care tag, it's placed there in hopes of putting a smile on your face, if only for one second, before you go off on some feminist rant.

this was posted on failblog this morning and has a very special meaning to me. growing up i lived in a house with two older sisters, a mom and a grandma, so it was a rare occurrence that i ever had to do my own laundry. that was, until one day after watching an episode of sally jessy raphael about chauvinist asswipes, i was STUPID enough to say out loud, presumably after being asked to put the load of wash that was in the washer into the dryer, that "LAUNDRY WAS WOMEN'S WORK." needless to say, i've been doing my own laundry since about the third grade...[photo via failblog]

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According to Google Analytics, 36% of all traffic from search engines that led to this site last week included the words 'head' and/or 'cheese'.

[photo via offalgood]

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“Some strangers become more important to you than family, maybe because you’re not expected to love them. You can leave them whenever you want to. Every moment together is a choice.”

--Walter Kirn

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Yup, I Said It.

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This Is What I'm About To Be A Part Of:

Friday, March 06, 2009

[via urbandictionary]
i'll have pictures and stories to post on sunday... or you can follow my weekend shitshow tweets...

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You're Gonna Want To Play With This:

Tuesday, March 03, 2009

CLICK HERE TO START ROCKIN' OUT JEM & THE HOLOGRAMS STYLE!

[ronwinter via imjustsayin]

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If I Ever Get A Tapeworm, I Hope It's A Record Breaking Length.

What are your chances of getting a tapeworm?
thanks, spleen.

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A Textic Disturbance:


how could she withhold that pertinent information? give me missy's cell number, NOW! i'm going to text her a new asshole."
me, texting brian about a mutual friend that witheld information regarding a long lost classmate that's been found on facebook, and was kept secret by said "friend." some friend, i know.

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You Know How I Know?

van morrison just finished mumbling through a song on the first late night with jimmy fallon. i didn't understand a word of it. but i still enjoyed every note. that's how i know... [that van is a classic]

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[Your Morning Coffee]

Sunday, March 01, 2009


"like a child" by jars of clay
the brew dujour:
Fair Trade Wicked Winter Blend- This is a rich blend that is meant to be enjoyed slowly. It works well on its own or with food (especially chocolate). I really wish I could get it in beans, it would be perfect in the french press.

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[Your Morning Coffee]

Saturday, February 28, 2009


"tomorrow still come" by will dailey
the brew dujour:
Special Reserve Colombian Flor de Cauca- These beans have an amazing aroma of chocolate, black cherries and a hint of amaretto. Brewed, this is an incredibly smooth Columbian blend. It's perfectly roasted and balanced. I highly recommend it.

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Superstition [Listen-up]

the awesomest (yes, that is a word) part of this song is the fact that there is no one else playing an instrument off camera. the whole sound that you are hearing is all being played at once by this dude. it's called fingerstyle, and i want to learn it.


www.adamrafferty.com

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I'm Gonna Go Out On A Limb Here And Call This, "The Direct Result Of Child Abuse."

Friday, February 27, 2009

[click here to watch the clip]

"being a conservative pundit is so easy, even a 13-year-old could do it" via gawker

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NCIS v. The Real NCIS

i don't know anyone else that watches ncis on cbs, but it's one of the shows that i watch every week.

yesterday i found out that on the discovery id channel, they were premiering a show called the real ncis, so i was psyched.

then i watched it. for the record, i think we should leave the reality to the real world. 'the fake' ncis is much more entertaining.

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Call Mr. Webster, It's Time To Make A Donation To His Dictionary...



Fuckeduplets.
noun, plural: multiple babies born to a single, unemployed looney tune of a mother.


[via slog]

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I Pledge Allegiance, To The Slab...

...of the Carnivorous States of America.
[via itsallaboutthebacon]

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As I Cower With My Tail Between My Legs...

last august i wrote THIS post about new books that you shouldn't bother reading. included on that list was 'i hope they serve beer in hell' by tucker max.* a week later, someone sent me a copy with a post-it note on the the cover that said nothing more than, "you're going to love this!" it's been in the back of my car ever since.

two weeks ago i was in barnes & noble looking for a new book to read and asked the cute bookrista if she had any recommendations. after explaining that i enjoyed the sarcastic wit of david sedaris and augusten burroughs, but had already read all of their books, she recommended that i read tucker max. she continued, "he's like david sedaris before he quit smoking, meets an immature augusten burroughs." that, my friends, sounded good to me. so i left. and when i got home i dug the paperback out of the back of my car and started reading.

four chapters in, i realized that it had been a really long time since i had laughed that hard while reading a book. i'm still not finished with it, and it's getting even better page by page.

*[don't bother squinting to read this, it's not that important.] ok, so i was wrong. it's a good book. fuck it, it's a great book. hell, i may even go see the movie. the blow from admitting that i was wrong seems less severe if i write it in smaller font and hide it in the footnote. so that's what i'm doing.

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How Do We Feel About The Term 'Twat Waffle'? [Syn: Douchenozzle]



i think i like it.

[nymag]

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Shoot. Me. Now.

Thursday, February 26, 2009

I thought maybe if I blogged this, someone from hp that speaks english might call me...
Sent from my Verizon Wireless BlackBerry

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Comcast, For The WIN! [Twitterific]

we've been having problems with our phone/interet/cable for weeks now. last week we scheduled an appointment for this past monday, for which no one ever showed up. yesterday, sam called to make another appointment because i know how i get when i deal with the cable company. the earliest available date for service? MONDAY! wtf, right? so this morning, the internet wasn't working before noon, which has lately been the case, and having not slept (and sans coffee), i twittered this:eleven minutes later, i got this: (to be read from the bottom up)fast forward to 2:16pm... comcast man rolls up in my driveway, spends 40 minutes f'n with wires and such and fixes EVERYTHING.

so for those of you that don't believe in twitter, you better recognize.

and comcastbill, you're my hero.

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"Everyone Wants To Get Shit On By Don Rickles." --Sarah Silverman

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These Cracks Are Pretty For Real...

Wednesday, February 25, 2009

Sent from my Verizon Wireless BlackBerry

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Guns Don't Kill Animals, Palins Do

Tuesday, February 24, 2009

i sent this article from salon to my mom:

Just in case you thought Sarah Palin only hated polar bears, wolves and moose, she's now suing the federal government to stop it from protecting the Cook Inlet beluga whales as an endangered species.
to which she so eloquently responded:
"She's a fucking idiot... They ought to make it open season on Palins."

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I Was Called An "Idiotic Liberal" When I Made The Admittedly Blatant Generalization That Republicans Preferred The Anti-Social Aspect Of Facebook...

...style "social networking" to myspace's put-all-your-business-out-there-and-let-the-world-judge-you style. but now i have some proof. (it might not be great proof, but it is proof nonetheless.) this facebook sponsored research poll just popped up on my facebook profile, and after choosing "both," i got these results:

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Today in FAIL [Mormon Sex Toys]

this is how mormons get away with buying sex toys without being judged. dildo or "E.T. finger light"? you decide.[via failblog]

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I Was Watching The Amazing Race On Tivo Last Night And Realized That This Poor Woman(?) Has The Worst. Name. Ever.

Monday, February 23, 2009

Sent from my Verizon Wireless BlackBerry

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Re: Slumdog at the Oscars

[via twitter]

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[Your Morning Coffee]

Sunday, February 22, 2009


"build me up buttercup" by sam dearmond
the brew dujour:
caribou coffee k-cups from green mountain- from daybreak to french roast, from sumatra to mahogany; 8 caribou coffee roasts are now available in k-cups from green mountain coffee!

CARIBOU K-CUPS NOW AVAILABLE!

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[Your Morning Coffee]

Saturday, February 21, 2009


"here without you" by 3 doors down & sara evans
the brew dujour:
caribou coffee k-cups from green mountain- from daybreak to french roast, from sumatra to mahogany; 8 caribou coffee roasts are now available in k-cups from green mountain coffee!

CARIBOU K-CUPS NOW AVAILABLE!

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The Economy.

Thursday, February 19, 2009

Due to recent budget cuts and the cost of electricity, gas and oil, as well as current market conditions and the continued decline of the economy, The Light at the End of the Tunnel has been turned off.

We apologize for the inconvenience.

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The World Is Going To Shit.

Wednesday, February 18, 2009

smithfield, the world's biggest pork processor, will close 6 plants and lay off 1,800. i know saying that every little thing is a sign of the apocalypse is a horrible cliche, but i know something about the topic, and when you can't make money selling bacon we're all in trouble. [bloomberg]

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Hey Ya'll, I Just Found This Sweet Shirt On Paula Deen's Website!

www.pauladeen.com

paula and me at toast to the coast, atlantic city, 2007

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