Raisins and/or Pennies = Eggs and/or Toilet Paper, Next Year. [PSA] [From the Archives]

{Originally Posted on 10/30/08 on isweatbutter.com} ...at least that's how we used to judge houses. it's funny how twelve months would go by, in a neighborhood that you're only in once a year, yet you remember the houses with the sweetest scores. likewise, we always remembered the pennies and raisins houses. they'd get a visit from us the following mischief night. (because that'll teach 'em.)

the 10 worst non-candy items that you could possibly give me on halloween, and the consequences of doing so
(in no particular order)
pennies: who gives out pennies on halloween night!? i wouldn’t complain if it was a dollar, but pennies just don’t go as far as they used to. first of all, it is NOT CANDY! second of all, there are no "penny candy" shops anymore. 1960 called, they want their halloween "treat" back...

apples: also, NOT CANDY! that’s healthy stuff, save your apples for your pie. it's true that there have been a couple of documented razorblade in the apple cases, and that is enough for me to stay away from them. besides, this is the night for trick-or-treating, and if you hand out an apple, it is likely to end up in your flower garden or on your roof. no joke.

raisins: nope. Uh-uh. NOT going in my mouth on halloween. unless, of course, they are covered in chocolate. let's review: raisinettes, GOOD. raisins, BAD.

advice: "look both ways before crossing the street," should have already been beaten into my head by my parents. that is not your job as the person who is giving me delicious treats! if i want advice, i'll call doctor phil. advice, once again, is NOT CANDY.

canned food: a can of sugar beets or candied yams might seem great to some people, but don't let the words "sugar" or "candied" fool you, at the end of the day, you're still attempting to pawn off your expired cans of VEGETABLES. canned vegetables ARE NOT a good "treat" to give to trick-or-treaters, mostly because they're likely to end up through a car window somewhere on your block. and your neighbors will most likely suspect YOU.

stickers: yeah, spongebob or superman stickers may be cool, but nobody wants them on halloween. now if you want to give a piece of candy AND a sticker, that’s fine, but don’t give just a sticker. if you do, expect to find in on the hood of your beemer.

coupons: even coupons for free stuff are no good. free wendy’s frosties or free mcdonald’s french fries are normally good, but a kid wants the instant satisfaction of candy. with a coupon you have to remember to take them in the car, and then convince your parents to stop by to get you something free. most of the time the coupons expire before you can use them anyway. and besides fast food will make you fat, candy won't is delicious. just SAY NO to coupons.

a toothbrush: yeah, yeah. we all know we should brush our teeth. we don’t need to get that message drilled into us by our neighbors too. refer to the sticker rule here, all you toothbrush-givers of america: toothbrush, BAD. toothbrush AND candy, GOOD.

little bags of microwave popcorn: anything that requires the use of a 1000 watt kitchen appliance SHOULD NOT be given to kids on halloween. do i really need to go into anymore detail on this one folks?

homemade anything: i don’t care if your cookies won blue ribbons at the county fair or your popcorn balls are the talk of the town, DON'T put them in my halloween bag. the parents won’t let us eat anything homemade anyway and your homemade treats will end up getting tossed in the trash or your yard. so save your time and money and just buy a big ass bag of candy from shitmart walmart.

i just found this question on wikianswers, which i found quite comical, and had to screencap it. (my guess is that it was answered by one of the "old people" in question, who else says 'frugality?')

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Don't Forget To Watch [PSA]

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National Day of Service [1/19/09]

Monday, January 19 is Martin Luther King Day. And wonderfully, instead of adding yet another shopping day to the calendar, it's being transformed to a day of service.

If every person in the US spent an hour doing something selfless, useful and leveraged, what would happen? What if you and your circle committed to doing it an hour a day for a year? 300 million hours is a lot of hours for just one day, a year of that would change everything.

While I applaud stopgap contributions like helping out in a soup kitchen (where labor and supplies are really needed), I wonder how those that are lucky enough to be web savvy can create work that really adds leverage. What if you did one of these things every day?

Here are some ideas that you can do online or in your community, with time, not so much with money.

- Go through your house and find beloved books that you're glad you read... and give them to the library.

- Create and promote an online petition for a cause you care about.

- Start a Facebook group for like-minded people who support the same non-profit you do. Commit to spending time to promote it, organize the people there and actually create outcomes of value.

- Find a cause that supports soldiers or diplomats or other public servants that are on the road, and make it easier for them to connect with people back home.

- Lobby Congress with letters and blog posts to make a change to a law that doesn't benefit you at all, but helps the community in the long run.

- Write a great wikipedia article every day about a person who is changing the world for the better.

- Find video and remix it into an insanely viral video that promotes a cause that you believe in.

...and HERE are plenty more ideas.


[via sethgodin]

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StuffWhitePeopleLike + FatAmericanTV = Kiva [PSA]

stuff white people like has been on my google reader since the day i started reading blogs. it started like most successful blogs- as a human with a passion, a sense of humor, and a computer. its authors, christian lander & myles valentin, have seen their success grow to new heights in recent months with the publication of stuff white people like: the book, available HERE on amazon.

their continued success has lead them to design a t-shirt based on entries from their blog. they've teamed up with fat american to offer the sale of the new shirt, and a few weeks ago, christian asked for his readers to recommend a non-profit organization to receive the profits from the sale of the shirt. i, as well as several others i'm sure, recommended kiva microfunds to be the recipient of the profits from the stuff white people like t-shirt. of the over 500 non-profits that were sent in, christian & myles have chosen 11 to be voted on by the readers of their blog, and kiva.org has made the list!

kiva is an organization that allows people to lend money via the internet to micro-finance institutions in developing countries which in turn lend the money to small businesses. it is a non-profit organization based in san francisco that is supported by donations from its users and through partnerships with businesses and other institutions. kiva captures the entrepreneurial spirit of muhammad yunus, the bangladeshi banker and economist that singlehandedly introduced the idea of micro-loans to the modern world.

NOW, I'M ASKING FOR YOUR HELP TO HELP KIVA. ALL YOU HAVE TO DO IT GO HERE AND VOTE FOR 'KIVA.org.'





read more about kiva microfunds HERE, at www.kiva.org

buy a shirt HERE, from www.fatamerican.tv

add stuff white people like to your your blog reader HERE

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Times Are Tough...

...i get that. but unless you have ever worked in an industry that pays you crap because you work for tips, you won't really understand this: in tough times, if you can't afford to tip, don't go out. don't go out to eat. don't get your haircut. don't get wasted at a bar. don't take a cab. nothing. if you know that dinner at shannanagin's costs about twenty-five bucks, not including tip, and all you got is a twenty-spot and a couple of singles, do us all a favor and hit-up the drive thru at mcfatty's. trust me when i tell you that betty-the-beautician is just as hard up for cash as you. keeping busy on your mop won't take her mind off of how she knows you're going to stiff her like last time. screw ben bernanke and his "economic stimulating." if you can't afford to tip - especially now that the holidays are here - forget the economy. stay home, rent some porn, and "stimulate" yourself.

Yahoo Hotjobs offers the following tip suggestions:

* Bartender: 10-15% of the bar bill.
* Waiter/Waitress: 15-20% of the bill, at least 20% for fine dining or large groups.
* Massage Therapist: 10-20% of the total, 20% if it's orgasmic.
* Hairstylist: 15% of the total.
* Concierge: $5-10 is average, more for special services or favors.
* Doorman: $1 dollar or more for help with luggage or finding a taxi on the street.
* Parking Attendant: $1-2, depending on how far they travel to get your car.
* Van Driver: $1 or more per bag, especially if they help you with your luggage.
* Taxi Driver: 15% of fare, $1/bag up to 5 bags, $2/bag for 5 or more bags.

In addition, if you regularly use any of these, or other service workers, you'll likely want to give them an extra holiday tip this season. For guidance on what amounts are appropriate, Consumer Reports offers a nice chart on what others are tipping this season.

...and if you need more tips on how to be a serious cheapass, buy THIS book.

[via consumerreports, hotjobs, shezoom, consumerist]

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"I've always been one to believe that buying used sex toys at garage sales was a good thing." -Marta Stuart

a box of used sex toys has been stolen from lovehoney, an online adult store. the toys were left in a box outside the company's bath, england office over the weekend and were destined for recycling.(lovehoney's rabbit amnesty program allows customers to send back dead vibrators and receive a new one for half price. so far 5 tons of used toys have been recycled.) lovehoney warns, "if someone sidles up to you in a pub and offers you a cheap rabbit, tell 'em where to get off."

[via jezebel]

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Hands Free - It's the Law! [PSA]

[youtube via dooce]

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“Hey, not trying to be your mom, but there aren't many jobs out there for potheads.” [PSA]

oh no? because this one looks promising!

[via slog]

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It's Time. [PSA]

it's 6:50am. i'm headed to the polls to vote. my polling place opens at 7:00am and it's 5 minutes down the road. so i should be in good shape. unless, of course, the rest of this hick-ass town has the same idea. (to get there early.) make sure YOU make time to VOTE today. change... IT'S TIME.
[photo via claudiacatalina]

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Dearest Undecideds, [America. Love It or Fix It. 2008]

i don't know that i associate, knowingly at least, with any of these so called undecideds. if at any point in your life, you have fallen into that catergory, i say unto you, "shit or get off the pot." you are officially out of time. but allow me to assist you if i must with this: good's voter guide 2008 - a head-to-head comparison between john mccain and barack obama on the big issues facing america, from afghanistan to public education.

[CLICK HERE FOR THE FULL SHEET]
[via good]

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Vote for (____)

Here’s what strikes me this election eve: I can’t remember a presidential campaign that was so disconnected from the actual challenges of governing that will confront the winner the morning after. When this election campaign began two years ago, the big issue was how and for how long do we continue nation-building in Iraq. As the campaign comes to a close, the big issue is how and at what sacrifice do we do nation-building in America.

Unfortunately, you’d barely know that from the presidential debates. Watching them in the context of the meltdown of the financial system was like watching a game show where the two contestants were kept off-stage in a soundproof booth and brought out to address the audience without knowing the context.

Since the last debate, John McCain and Barack Obama have unveiled broad ideas about how to restore the nation’s financial health. But they continue to suggest that this will be largely pain-free. McCain says giving everyone a tax cut will save the day; Obama tells us only the rich will have to pay to help us out of this hole. Neither is true.

We are all going to have to pay, because this meltdown comes in the context of what has been “perhaps the greatest wealth transfer since the Bolshevik Revolution in Russia in 1917,” says Michael Mandelbaum, author of “Democracy’s Good Name.” “It is not a wealth transfer from rich to poor that the Bush administration will be remembered for. It is a wealth transfer from the future to the present.”

Never has one generation spent so much of its children’s wealth in such a short period of time with so little to show for it as in the Bush years. Under George W. Bush, America has foisted onto future generations a huge financial burden to finance our current tax cuts, wars and now bailouts. Just paying off those debts will require significant sacrifices. But when you add the destruction of wealth that has taken place in the last two months in the markets, and the need for more bailouts, you understand why this is not going to be a painless recovery.

The Bush team leaves us with another debt — one to Mother Nature. We have added tons more CO2 into the atmosphere these last eight years, without any mitigation effort. As a result, slowing down climate change in the next eight years is going to require even bigger changes and investments in how we use energy.

Given that Times columnists are not allowed to “formally” endorse candidates and given that the context of this election has changed so much from the policy positions the candidates started with, all I can suggest is that you vote for the candidate with these character traits:

First, we need a president who can speak English and deconstruct and navigate complex issues so Americans can make informed choices. We have paid an enormous price for having a president who could not explain and reassure us during this financial meltdown. We wasted a huge amount of time pretending that we could punish Wall Street without punishing Main Street — when, in fact, they are intricately intertwined.

A major money market fund — Reserve Primary — failed in September because the extra interest it offered customers derived, in part, from the $785 million in high-yielding Lehman Brothers commercial paper and notes it was holding. Depositors who told their congressmen to just let that greedy Lehman Brothers fail were shocked to discover this meant that their own money market would be frozen. No, we don’t need a president defending greed on Wall Street, but we do need one who can explain that we are all in the same boat, that a leak at one end can sink everyone and that while we must regulate, we don’t want to kill risk-taking and the rewards that go with that — which are essential to growing our economy.

Second, we need a president who can energize, inspire and hold the country together during what will be a very stressful recovery. We have to climb out of this financial crisis at a time when the baby boomers are about to retire and going to need their Social Security and eventually Medicare. We are all going to be paying the government more and getting less until we grow out of this hole.

Third, we need a president who can rally the world to our side. We cannot get out of this crisis unless China starts consuming more and unless Europe keeps lowering interest rates. Everyone is interconnected, and everyone is still looking to America to lead.

So, bottom line: Please do not vote for the candidate you most want to have a beer with (unless it’s to get stone cold drunk so you don’t have to think about this mess we’re in). Vote for the person you’d most like at your side when you ask your bank manager for an extension on your mortgage.

Vote for the candidate you think has the smarts, temperament and inspirational capacity to unify the country and steer our ship through what could be the rockiest shoals our generation has ever known. Your kids will thank you.

[via nytimes]

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I'm not sure who Jim is, but I wouldn't be surprised if this sign is hanging on the door of EVERY Halloween Party in America tonight. [PSA]

[via someguywithawebsite]

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An Even Lovelier Day [Bill Withers Remix]

[lovely day original]

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Re: WTF? [Thanks to LiveLeak]

this is that video that i made last night, that youtube was being a dick about. liveleak to the rescue.

thank you liveleak...

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ISWEATBUTTER for President '08 [PSA]

CHECK OUT MY VIDEO SPOT ON NEWS CHANNEL 3 HERE!
[make your own HERE, via geekadelphia]

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Vote While You're Poopin' [PSA]

CLICK HERE: www.maps.google.com/vote
OR
HERE.

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Rock the Vote! [PSA]

it's not too late to register to vote!
ROCK THE VOTE! Voter Registration. CLICK HERE.

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That Ain't Mouthwash. [PSA]

at a time when our nation's young people are getting STDs from playing too much beer pong and christian politicos can't even keep their own kids celibate, america is plainly in need of a useful public sex education campaign. but don't hold your breath, we won't get it; this country can't even tolerate janet jackson's nipple yet. you'd have to go to belgium, where sex in advertising is a form of art. check out this new belgian psa that is perhaps the single best, albeit only, piece of televised sex ed that i've ever seen:

[adrants via gawker]

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