To Say That 2008 Has Been a Long Year, Would Be a Gross Understatement.

Wednesday, November 26, 2008

right about this time last year, i was in the midst of what i thought was something of a quarterlife crisis. i was sure that i had hit rock bottom and that there was nowhere to go but up. now as i sit here, i wonder what my life would be like if what i know now, i knew then.

love for a child
i've learned a lot about myself in the past twelve months- i've lost jobs, cars, friends, family and a lifetime of memories; all in the span of one year. i've learned exactly what it is that i can live without. i've learned the true value of friendship. and most importantly, through an odd array of lists and notes in a journal, i've learned about me. i can now define myself more conclusively, and i'm a better person for it.

details in the fabric
i've taken a beating. i've been faced with challenges that no one else understands. i've made sacrifices that others take for granted. i've been beaten down endlessly, yet i've been able to stumble to my feet. and i stumble still, grasping at consistency and happiness in the distance.

with all that being said, i'm not sure how to feel this holiday season. the holidays, for me at least, were always about consistency. the repetitious series of events that went on every year. the simple feeling of being home. i haven't felt at home anywhere in six years. the holiday feast... the cheerful banter... when i think about that last christmas in my hometown with my small family and a handful of extended family, gathered around the holiday table, it feels like a dream. i don't ever know that i'll feel that again, but the holiday spirit was truly alive that night...

halfway home
i write this, not in search of pity or praise, but to let go and move on...

i still have much to be thankful for this year.


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