"Spread Her Legs Wide With This" [Live, From My Inbox, It's Spam Folder Night!]

so according to the email that this came from, i sent it to myself, though i don't recall it. and i have to admit, i didn't really get the tetris reference at first. penis enlargement spam probably makes up for about 25% of my spam folder on a daily basis, but "spread her legs wide with this" is probably the most creative subject line that i have ever seen. so, "what item YOU prefer in forward?" (whatever the fuck that means.)
more winning spam subject lines:

Sharon Was Moaning With Pleasure (my guess is that sharon must have been playing tetris.)

Cleanse Your Colon With Acai Juicebox House (wtf is a "juicebox house?")

Barack Obama Commemorative Toilet (i was curious about this one, but it turned out to be another colon cleansing site.)

Why Chinese Women Can't Pack On The Pounds ("rice & msg diet." no joke, that's what it was for.)

Free Passes to Paris Hilton's Gaping (gaping what? oh the suspense. the site was no longer available, so i guess we'll never know.)

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Walmart Spammers Working Overtime...

well, maybe they don't actually work for the shithole that is walmart, but someone thought that i, me of all people, would fall for a fishing scam, being baited by friggin' walmart. i don't think so, but nice try.

that's a snap of the spam folder in my inbox. between 3:19 and 6:22 6:42 today i got spanked 13, wait, make that 15 times, with the same spam message about a $1000 walmart gift card.

15 times? i figured it must be serious. so i went to check it out. it turns out that it's my lucky day. i can get my $1000 shithole walmart gift card if i just follow these simple steps:

1- complete a 240(!?!?) question survey. (short answers, not multiple choice. from what i saw, most are about what type of toilet paper you prefer.)
2- complete at least 6 of the 10 sponsor offers. (the cheapest of which costs $42 to "participate" in.)
3- "follow redemption instructions." (by "redemption instructions" they mean fill out an application requiring: full name, address, phone number, drivers license number, social security number, date of birth, work address, work phone number, work email address and three personal references with addresses, phone numbers and email addresses.)

really? that's all? so let me get this straight, to get a "free" $1000 gift card, all i have to do is spend $400 on useless crap? what a fücking deal! keep fishin' you spammers, you ain't catchin' this guppy.

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Finding Entertainment in the Spam Folder...

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