Soy Sauce Packets & Epiphanies: Walmart Spammers Working Overtime...

well, maybe they don't actually work for the shithole that is walmart, but someone thought that i, me of all people, would fall for a fishing scam, being baited by friggin' walmart. i don't think so, but nice try.

that's a snap of the spam folder in my inbox. between 3:19 and ~~6:22~~ 6:42 today i got spanked 13, wait, make that 15 times, with the same spam message about a $1000 walmart gift card.

15 times? i figured it must be serious. so i went to check it out. it turns out that it's my lucky day. i can get my $1000 ~~shithole~~ walmart gift card if i just follow these simple steps:

1- complete a 240(!?!?) question survey. (short answers, not multiple choice. from what i saw, most are about what type of toilet paper you prefer.)
2- complete at least 6 of the 10 sponsor offers. (the cheapest of which costs $42 to "participate" in.)
3- "follow redemption instructions." (by "redemption instructions" they mean fill out an application requiring: full name, address, phone number, drivers license number, social security number, date of birth, work address, work phone number, work email address and three personal references with addresses, phone numbers and email addresses.)

really? that's all? so let me get this straight, to get a "free" $1000 gift card, all i have to do is spend $400 on useless crap? what a fücking deal! keep fishin' you spammers, you ain't catchin' this guppy.

the story behind ssp&e:

so i'm not sure if you're anything like me, but being the 'off the cuff cuisine' chef that i am, i try not to let anything go to waste. you know, when you bring home some bk or mickey d's, and after consuming your poor excuse for food, have ketchup packets or sauce shots left over that you throw in the door and forget about. same goes for chinese food, and you know they always give you enough sauce to put out a fire at the pentagon with your order. you throw them in your refrigerator door and forget about them. then one day you're trying to impress some last minute guests that have decided to stay at your place for dinner and all you have in your 'gourmet' kitchen are some ramen noodles, frozen veggies and some leftover grilled chicken from last weekend's cookout. the makings of a superb, on-the-fly stirfry. but wait, OH SHIT!, how are you going to make a sauce for your stirfry with no sauce? you look in the fridge and all you see is a bottle of ketchup, french's mustard (i use the term mustard loosely when describing french's), and a jar of pickle juice. oh no, what to do, what to do. then you bust open the butter holder, that invariably has never seen a stick of butter in it's life, and VOILA! soy sauce, duck sauce, hot mustard! packets, but instant chinkychow sauce nonetheless! each one of those packets, collected over time, came from a meal, inevitably eaten over conversation, an argument or during a lone lunch of self-reflection, came from a time and place in the past. as are our lessons learned. we learn through the years how to cope, how to inspire, how to teach, and how to live. we don't always remember those lessons, as we throw condiment packets in the fridge we throw life-lessons into the back of our heads, until one day we find ourself in a situation where it becomes relevant and we pull them from the back of our minds as to not waste the advice and lessons of the past. the moral of this story, and the linking of it to my blog- our life experiences are our 'soy sauce packets,' our hidden links to our experiences of our past...

e·piph·a·ny - noun - a sudden, intuitive perception of or insight into the reality or essential meaning of something, usually initiated by some simple, homely, or commonplace occurrence or experience. [www.dictionary.com]

the epiphanies that we experience in life, questions or situations that we find ourselves in, and don't know how to resolve, can most often be solved my raking our brains in search of a 'soy sauce packet.' an answer to a question. a solution to a problem. and so this, this blog, is simply an ever-expanding culmination of soy sauce packets in my butter box, and the epiphanies that have helped to make room for more butter in my fridge...

Soy Sauce Packets & Epiphanies

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Walmart Spammers Working Overtime...

Saturday, August 23, 2008

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