A Hillbilly, A DeLorean & A Diet Coke Walk Into A Laundromat...

Friday, January 23, 2009

am i the only one that feels like the minute i step through the door of a laundromat, it's like stepping through a wormhole that transports me back to 1989? i had the unfortunate opportunity (because like walmart, i DESPISE laundromats), to attend a veritable party at a backwoods launderette in milford, pennsylvania yesterday.

this particular one, besides being stuck in '89, also has an owner that is obviously obsessed with duck & masking tape, as you'll soon see in the photos i took at last night's soiree. the one thing it did have going for it was the efficiency (sarcasm implied) of the seemingly original machines ever commercially produced by westinghouse.

what would a laundromat be without a hand painted sign? it would be second class, that's what it would be.

cancel that above statement, and let me rephrase: what would a laundromat be without a colored pencil sketch of a man taking the sign literally and stripping his clothes off because his machine stopped? third world, that's what it would be. i'm just glad that none of the old, wrinkly hillbillies took to the sign the way 'the great schnazzole' in the drawing did. that would have been a redneck mess.

"sorry... no restroom," but feel free to use any of the 14 washing machines that are out of order. the masking tape has spoken.

restroom open. please don't mind the masking tape.

tape on door is pennsylvanian for "ain't working." likewise, no tape on door translates to "$5 and 2 hours to dry 2 socks on 'high.'"

emergency exit, or not. about two feet outside the door that this sign was or wasn't marking, there was a six foot tall fence. no gate. just fence. so if there's a fire, you may want to find another way out. and if you need duck tape, there's still half a roll covering the twelve inch sign. and about that "surveillance camera," yea, the wires were just chillin, not connected to anything. so feel free to hijack quarters at your convenience.

now would be a good time to hijack the quarters out of one of the 'highly efficient' dryers. either that, or go 'next door' to the 'convenience' store to get change. and by 'next door,' i mean 3 miles down the road.

in case you don't believe that the surveillance camera is real, try stealing this state-of-the-art speaker and pawning it down the street. it's apparently happened before, making it necessary to write "milford laundry" on the side. i must say that i'm surprised that there was no tape involved in the application of this speaker to the wall. (in their defense, i'm sure this speaker was state-of-the-art in 1958 when speakers were invented.)

for your convenience, this lovely 'mat provides liquid refreshments. WARNING, machine only accepts wooden nickels.

twenty wooden nickels and the push of a button, gets you a can of diet coke, that as far as i can tell coca-cola stopped labeling with that logo in 1984!?!

...and so goes the story of the laundromat/time machine. reason #2431 why living in the boonies sucks.


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