Return To Hate Or Did We Not Leave?

Friday, February 15, 2008

so the one day of the year that everyone feels obligated to be nice to each other and tell the ones that they care about that they love them is behind us. so let's return to hating each other. from the stories on the news on 'love day,' it's apparent that some people were unaware of the holiday. four college kids and a professor were gunned down for no apparent reason at a college in illinois.

and the newspaper was filled with stories of both love and hate, or actually, love, hate and really strange occurances...

Strange and dangerous, occurance:
"Blade in heart-shaped lollipop blamed on "poor quality control"

The blade seemed to be melted into the candy, as if it had fallen into a mixture at the manufacturing plant. A cop notes that the candy had been manufactured in China.


If this ain't love, I don't know what is:
"Edgy" church sponsors "30-Day Sex Challenge"
Here's how it goes: Single people are supposed to abstain from sex for 30 days, while married couples are supposed to have sex every day for 30 days.


Strange and stupid:
"Passed-out student loses fingers and toes to frostbite"
He was passed out in an alley for six hours during his walk home from bars in subzero temperatures. One of the guys who found him says: "He couldn't stand up. His clothes were half off. He sounded like he had a speech impediment. He couldn't talk. At the time he reeked of alcohol, but we could tell by the color of his hands it was worse."


More Love:
"Every newspaper has an obligatory V-Day story today"
For their feature, the Post-Crescent found a couple, both 95, who've been married for 75 years.


Love, if you're from West Virginia:
"Forget flowers, get your lover a gun for Valentine's Day"
A radio ad for Big Al's Guns says: "If your lady's hotter than a $2 pistol, a handgun may be the perfect Valentine's gift." Has anyone out there received a gun from your loved one?


A Miracle, Love in Disguise:
"Woman wakes up from coma as her funeral is being planned"
The 65-year-old woman says her recovery is all a tribute to the power of prayer. "I still don't know what my task is here on this Earth, but I know God's not done with me yet. How else could you explain everything that has happened to me?" Her first task -- storing her casket in the garage, perhaps?


Odd, but Willy Wonka would be proud:
"Marketers are excited about the prospects for lickable ads"
Scatch-and-sniff I can deal with, but licking the ad? No thanks.


Sounds like Love to me:
"Here we go again!: School cancels dances because of "dirty" moves"
The middle-school students were doing a bit too much grinding on the dance floor. A school official says: "When parents ask why we've done this, I tell them I couldn't even have shown them what these kids were doing on videotape -- it's almost illegal. We're talking about groups of 20 kids or so rubbing up against each other."


She obviously hates herself:
"Woman mistakenly deposits her meth into credit union ATM"
Here's our genius-of-the-week: An 18-year-old woman told police that she may have mistakenly placed a bag of meth into an ATM for deposit into her bank account. A credit union confirmed that and the woman was arrested.


Don't all chocolates have milk in them?
"A Chocolate Recall For Valentine's Day"
See's Candies, Inc. of San Francisco, Calif., is recalling 16-ounce bags of See's Candies Semi Sweet Chocolate Chips because the product may contain undeclared traces of milk. People who have an allergy or severe sensitivity to milk run the risk of serious or life-threatening allergic reaction if they consume these products.


Now he can fill that viagra prescription - Love:
"Man's "$150 lottery ticket" turns out to be worth $250,000"
The 71-year-old man figures he made a simple error when he heard the winning numbers announced on TV and thought he won just $150. "I must have written one number wrong," he says. His wife says: ''We're the typical poor senior citizens, and our income from Social Security is not a lot."


Sounds like hot lovin':
"Couple jailed after sex romp on air conditioning unit"
Two young children noticed the performance and alerted an adult who called police. The couple allegedly began yelling obscenities at police, and the woman lifted her shirt to expose her breasts to elderly passers-by and traffic. Let's hope they didn't hit the gas pedals instead of the brakes.


Ha.
"Oscar Meyer Wienermobile crashes on snow-covered Pennsylvania road"
"The Wienermobile weighs 7,000 pounds, so usually ice and snow isn't much of a problem," says one of Oscar Mayer reps. "It was this time."


And the goverment wonders why the postal service is going under; more money, slower service:
"USPS Announces Stamps Increasing Two Cents May 14"
New postage rates go into effect on Monday, May 14, including a two-cent increase in the price of a First-Class Mail stamp to 41 cents. Post Offices nationwide are now selling the new 41-cent stamps and also one and two-cent stamps for customers who still have a supply of 39-cent stamps.


it was really an action packed day apparently. and that's not even counting the fact that another garbage truck crashed in nyc, jane fonda said c*nt on live tv (the today show), and thank god the writers are back! conan o'brien has lost it, he can't do it without the writers anymore...

just because v-day has past, don't hate, remember the love!

2 comments:

Michelle,  9:10 AM  

Please speak to AOL and get hired to post the news everyday. You such a splendid job!!!! <3

spleeness 9:53 AM  

Where did you find all these? Great selection! I think my favorite was the accidental meth deposit.

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