Times Are Tough...

...i get that. but unless you have ever worked in an industry that pays you crap because you work for tips, you won't really understand this: in tough times, if you can't afford to tip, don't go out. don't go out to eat. don't get your haircut. don't get wasted at a bar. don't take a cab. nothing. if you know that dinner at shannanagin's costs about twenty-five bucks, not including tip, and all you got is a twenty-spot and a couple of singles, do us all a favor and hit-up the drive thru at mcfatty's. trust me when i tell you that betty-the-beautician is just as hard up for cash as you. keeping busy on your mop won't take her mind off of how she knows you're going to stiff her like last time. screw ben bernanke and his "economic stimulating." if you can't afford to tip - especially now that the holidays are here - forget the economy. stay home, rent some porn, and "stimulate" yourself.

Yahoo Hotjobs offers the following tip suggestions:

* Bartender: 10-15% of the bar bill.
* Waiter/Waitress: 15-20% of the bill, at least 20% for fine dining or large groups.
* Massage Therapist: 10-20% of the total, 20% if it's orgasmic.
* Hairstylist: 15% of the total.
* Concierge: $5-10 is average, more for special services or favors.
* Doorman: $1 dollar or more for help with luggage or finding a taxi on the street.
* Parking Attendant: $1-2, depending on how far they travel to get your car.
* Van Driver: $1 or more per bag, especially if they help you with your luggage.
* Taxi Driver: 15% of fare, $1/bag up to 5 bags, $2/bag for 5 or more bags.

In addition, if you regularly use any of these, or other service workers, you'll likely want to give them an extra holiday tip this season. For guidance on what amounts are appropriate, Consumer Reports offers a nice chart on what others are tipping this season.

...and if you need more tips on how to be a serious cheapass, buy THIS book.

[via consumerreports, hotjobs, shezoom, consumerist]