You are Cordially Invited to View the "Classy" Wedding Photos of Beulah Maye & Billy Bob Springer...

Wednesday, September 17, 2008

i'm not positive, but i think these people may be my neighbors.

please allow me to begin by introducing you to the wedding party. first, the handsome groomsmen and the fine looking groom*, billy bob (in red). *note the stylish wal-mart sneaks.
red ties, black ties, no tie; mass confusion was had by the entire springer cast family.

here's how i imagine this conversation went:
"alright everyone! let's line up for the picture. let's see... hmmm... where shall we... oh yes!!! perfect! everybody, move quickly! right over there, in front of the garage! yes, that would be smashing!"

i guess a jacket at a wedding would just be too city for these folks, so "let's just pin these here boutonniere's right on these here shirts."

"bubba, put down that cigarette! i done told you once, no smoking during the ceremony, it's tacky."

next, we meet the playmate-ish bridesmaids and the blushing bride.
aren't they sexy? not everyone can pull off such a vibrant red, but i must say, move over heidi klum this group of gals is gunnin'* for your job! *the bride's preferred firearm is a 12-gauge shotgun. it's on her registry. (late gift idea!)

and finally, the cute couple.
those wal-mart flops really enhance her cankles, don't you think? too bad they didn't come in white.

another photo of the happy couple.
at least his head is somewhat proportionate... to her left boob.
what exactly is beulah trying to show us here? the bruise from where she knocked her knee on the trailer hitch? or her serious case of gout? you decide. either way, it's kind of hot. billy bob sure is lovin' it.
"oh, you're so crazy honey!"
"here baby, let me help you up over my fupa."
it's so beautiful, can't you just hear the banjo music?

minutes later, after taking that last photo, beulah and billy bob toasted their budweiser ponies and rode off into the sunset in the bed of their favorite wedding gift...
...a 1980 ford f150.

"if you can't be classy, be classic."

2 comments:

spleeness 11:46 PM  

omg! That can't possibly be real. Do people really look like this? Well maybe you'd get a kick out of my redneck photos on my joke blog.

TONY a.k.a. i sWEAT bUTTER 11:56 PM  

aren't they beautiful???

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